i'm all alone

alone in the room
i'm hoping for someone would ask me what had happened?
but instead, i got a query "what turn u up? makcik told me u're angry at her?"
listening to that makcik is more important than listening to somebody living with u
i pressume...

alone with mix feeling
i'm hoping for somebody to hold me firmly and assure that everything will be alrite
but instead, it was mak who kept asking me what had happened?
assuming...
being in her womb for 9 months could lead her to predict something went wrong

alone with myself
i'm hoping somebody would want to spare a little minute to put me into comfortable zone
but instead, all i heard was snore that last for hours
recovering the sleep over the football game that morning is far important than being a shoulder to cry
i'd say...

i feel thankful that my boss could spend some of his busy time to listen to me
i feel blessed to have friends whom would travel just to be by my side
i feel relieved to have buddies who have time reading my ym, googletalk & emails
i feel even better when mak showed me her concern

i'm hoping for somebody that would lend me some minutes of his precious time
i'm hoping for somebody that would share this tears
i'm hoping for somebody that would comfort me and assure me that e'thing would be ok
i'm hoping for somebody that would be there when i need them

i guess it's just too much to ask...

bad girl

off late, i asik teringat uwan, atuk & ayah. and this morning i dreamt about ayah

maybe i miss them so much
or
maybe i've been carried away with my day-to-day thingy and i havent spend time reciting yasin for them

i think the latter suits me better

i'm bad!

my daling... i wrote a letter for u

kehadapan suamiku yg dicintai,

aku amat menyayangimu seluruh hatiku
cintaku ini bagai tiada tandingannya
kasihku ini tiada tolok gantinya
sayangku ini tiada galang pemisah

luhur cintaku sesuci cinta taj mahal
lahar kasihku umpama api yg marak membakar
salju sayangku umpama embun pagi

tiada lebih yang ku pinta..

hanyalah tulus kasihmu
hanyalah ikhlas cintamu
hanyalah utuh sayangmu
dan
hanyalah approval untuk membeli kain di euro moda untuk membuat baju dinner ku..


ps: tak mahal yang..... rm475.95 sen je.. ::wink:: ::wink::

gambar ehsan: laman web

quality time?

a friend emailed me her prob with her son - standard 2. first in the sibling. didn't finished his homework given by the teacher. didn't submit his artwork for his exam. now: mother giving some more chance for the boy to improve . will he? time will tell.. "bringing up a kid is not an easy matter" - her mother said. which i think true. so true. sebab itu gulai mak lagi sedap dari gulai kita... got what i mean? org tua makan garam lebih - garam - gulai.. got what i mean? ha...

then, during my breakfast yesterday, a friend came and told me about his son. 2 years younger than me. first in the sibling. frequently change job. now: father don't know what to do. he told me that he has done all the talking. all he could to make the child realize about his future. but still, the son hasn't changed. he also doesnt know what he has done wrong. all the other daughters are all OK. but what happen to this one?

i personally recall what bapak told me earlier. the quality time between parents & children. the time that father & mother spend with their kids. personally, i dont have all the time with my bapak & mak. mak sibuk kerja. bapak also. but still, they will come back on time. they will come back during lunch break on friday - maybe to make sure we dont ponteng sekolah. duh.. why didnt i think about it earlier eh.. but indeed, they were there. they will bring us jalan2. if in the morning kena marah, petang boleh pegi ampang park. a way to pujuk us up. i remember bapak was garang. we all kena pukul. cubit. itu mesti. and for this, i envy my little sister. michelin di badannya jarang sekali (can i say none?) dikenakan cubitan manja bapakku yg garang itu. yelah.. dia budak yg baik. ceh.. konon.. hahaha. but i think akut got all the privilege because bapak has moved into his maturity stage. number of his age has changed. so selamatla ko kuttttt.. and myself is now like bapak in his early parenthood. my mood masih main jongkang jongket. hence adam will kena some times..

myself working. so does my husband. thus adam has to be sent to a baby sitter. i realize i spend more time facing my computer than facing my adorable adam. and that's the reason why i punch out on time. the answer to why i wanted to fetch adam the soonest possible. i'm bound to work for 8 hours. 24 minus 8 would be 16. 8 hours sleeping, left me with another 8 hours. and the precious 8 hours sometimes flies in split second. adam with his toys. me with houseworks. and sometimes 1 or 2 hours for good axn series. could there any quality time with adam? i reckon.. i really dont know if adam had some quality time with me. and i dont know if i've given enuff to adam.

i believe guiding the kids should be a responsible held by both mother and father. the parents in actual term. tepuk sebelah tangan takkan berbunyi. kalau tepuk beramai2 barulah meriah bunyinya. kids need peers. need somebody to hold the hand and walk with them. together. along the way. they need somebody to rely on. to talk to. to say yes and no to what they are doing. to tell them what to do and open options for them to choose. not a dictator. quoted from a friend "bukan mengarah, tapi mengajak. bukan menyuruh, tapi menjemput".

sometimes thinking about adam, i have some butterflies flying freely in my stomach. adam's world would be totally different from ours, the parents. my hubby was raised differently from myself. and so different from me. later, would adam be as good as his father and ehem.. the mother? would adam adhere to the do's and dont's? would adam this? would adam that? we are compelled to change as time ticking.

the cheeky guy - in the middle

isnt adam adorable? hehehe.. this pic was taken by julie last saturday. i wish i could hilite more of adam rather than the dome. hehehehe..

hari raya hari mulia

hari raya jugak adalah hari untuk ziarah menziarahi tanpa mengira pukul berapa pun.. hehehe.. this raya seems to be quite mm... what should be the right word eh.. mmm.. BEST barangkali? well, last year was also BEST. next year i hope for another BEST raya. ala... tiap2 tahun pun
BEST la. mana ada raya yg tak BEST kan? :)

though my boss is away for his overseas trip, my hands are fully tight. next tuesday, my office will host a Hari Raya - Deepavali gathering. pergh.. mesti mak tak menang tangan nyahhhh... i wish i have more hands.. the management people la.. i've given them the name list earlier. and they waited till the last minute. isshh.. sabo jela

last thursday i joined my other 2 colleagues for a hotel inspection - sunway resort. i thought after lunch, we would be heading back to the office. rupanya baru nak pegi tengok bilik. adehai.. dan ku pikirkan sunway ni kecik. rupanya besar yg amat. from resort to villa, to tower, to theme rooms. penat seh. dahlah pakai kasut tumit. reached office at about 4:40pm. rilex buat keje sket, baru balik.. barulah nampak cam pekerja berdedikasi kan? heheh . head home and fetch the 2As - adam & amai. that night tahir's clan are coming. nasib baik i pandai buat "satay segera". up to 12 night. all the dirty dishes che nani dah tolong cuci. tima kasihhhh...

friday still hectic at work. al maklum la.. tak last minit tak gempak katanya. cehhh.. i spent whole day making phone calls with few things to think at one time. and the very 1st time, i spent my 2 hours lunch break in the office. macam tak caya je.. malam pulak mastika & family mari beraya. dirty dishes are all in the sink - kononnya nak basuh besoklah...

saturday i bangun lambat. rasa sangatlah mengantuk. had my shower, then i took sophie kinsella's "can u keep a secret?". there goes my saturday. the book was marvellous. i've never spent a day reading one bulky book. penahlah habis but those are malay books. normally i'd spent 2 days for an english book. this one keep me hooked up. solat asar pun menjelang maghrib. punyalah kusyuk. and for the same reason, i was late for nurul's wedding. well.. not quite late if i may say. at the time of arriving, nurul was not there yet. and some other people are later than me. so i'd consider myself early but later than those people who got there earlier than me. hahaha.

today sherry, ijan & their families are coming over. wasih, diana, lelek, kak nah are also coming. bestnya.. sherry will be cooking the main dish. macam open house dia pulak kan? hehehe..

this year, my hubby was telling me "NO OPEN HOUSE", but if i were to invite my friends over, it's most welcome. last year we had a very grand open house. ramai sungguh org datang. and we could barely spend time with most of the friends. so this year, my hubby kata, lets spend more time with our friends. call them up. cook some dishes. and that's our open house this year. so sapa2 mau datang ke rumah, jemputlah ye.. i'll do some cooking. but please.. do not expect any lemang or rendang or local dishes. still learning.

so.. spaghetti anyone?

he he he

lama dah tak update ini blog... nak kata sibuk, tak jugak. nak kata banyak keje, pun tak jugak. nak kata lupa kat dunia blog, pun tidak jugak. time nak update, time tu la idea tak de. time tanak update, ada je lampu mentol menyala.

first and foremost, selamat hari raya. maaf zahir & batin.

this raya, kami di krai. ma dah balik awal ngan kak ti who then had to go back to PD. menyusul abe cha with kak na. patutnya abe chik sampai dulu. tapi nina sakit pewot, kami yg tiba awal. barulah dema. berjangkit rupanya sakit pewot ni. itu hari adam. muntah2 for several days. i dah cuak. takutlah2 kalo ada menda yg tak sepatutnya terjadi kan.. alhamdulillah, after few days, adam recovered. tapi jerih jugaklah nak tengok dia recovered pun.

back to raya. then kak ti balik and lastly abe ajih sampai. raya in krai was quite ok (kalo tak pasal kena ambush bendera jepun di pagi raya la.. huhuuuu). cuma perasaan lain sikitlah. ayah dah tak de. takde org tukang kerah bangun pagi raya. ada yg bising pun kak sah je. org datang raya pun a bit kelam kabut. selalunya ayah dah pegi umah nebers sume, then dia balik, dia akan suh sumer org kuar beraya. and dia jaga umah. org yg datang akan beraya dengan dia la. this year, sumer anak lelaki kuar. tinggalla menantu pompuan yg kurang kenal org kampung. setakat kak chik & kak ja ok lah. ramai dah org derang kenal. menantu sorang ni? hampehhhhh.. dahlah cakap pun fel, nak paham org cakap lagilah fel... kena makan budu banyak lagi ni...

balik hari jumaat. hari sabtu punyalah bercita2 tinggi nak jalan2 umah moktehlah, umah moksu la, umah mak lang la, umah kubba la, umah kak nurul la, umah kufee la.. eleh.. konon je.. sampainya 2 umah je. umah moksu & mokteh. itu pun dah kira baiklah tu.. hahahaha.. tula. sapa suh mak buat roti jala kan...

what else eh? tadi banyak idea. dah on ym, sembang2 sudah lupa sumer idea.. mentol pun dah malap je.. adam pun sudah bangun..

last nite pegi hantar mak ke kl sentral. on the way back, i sembang2lah ngan bapak. on air tengah berita. and one of the topics was on budak sekolah yg join mat rempit akan kemungkinan dibuang sekolah. bapak disagreed. he blamed the parents - which actually oppose my opinion. his reason was: parents yg tak carik quality time with the children. carik duit banyak2 sampai tak tau nak buat apa dengan duit tu. macam duit boleh bawak ke kubur. kuar keje sebelum anak celik mata. balik keje time anak dah pejam mata. bila masa nak dapat quality time dengan anak? nak sebut 3 words kat anak pun susah. macam manalah anak tak terikut peers yg bukan2.

in one sense... betul jugak apa dia kata. quality time. masa untuk parents & anak2. deep in me, i still blame oneself. but come to think of it.. betul la kata bapak.... macam mana oneself nak fikir kalo dia tak de peers yg betul2 guide dia. kan?

zaman la tak sama dengan zaman dulu. dulu mak kata A, A la dia. la ni, mak kata A, Z jadiknya. kata mak pak dibuat main. kata kawan2 didulukan. my time, i was in the middle. antara kawan & parents. i lebih rapat ngan my friends. but i fear my parents the most. nak2 bapaklah.. baru berdehem dah rasa nak terkucil. belum dia kata apa2 lagi.. hahahaha.. anak2 skang patut rasa beruntung. nak kasut nike, dibeli nike. kalo dulu, mintak adidas, dapat abibas. haruuuuu

time flies, years gone, and many more to come
things changed
country developed
standard of living increased
but oneself keep searching for an identity
mistaken sometimes...

manusia makin kurang didikan
pelajaran dialpakan
didikan dilalaikan
agama ditinggalkan
bangsa disorakkan
adat resam dilupakan
ke mana arah tuju? kemanakah haluan?
di manakah nanti anak cucu cicit kita?
masih mampukah berpijak di tanah yg nyata?
atau hanya bermundar mandir mencari cacing, mencari umpan di tanah org
atau mungkin hanya menumpang hangat dan dingin di kaki penjajah

bisakah mereka nanti berdiri megah?
insya Allah

3 years ago, this date

i was busy clearing up things. preparing for the big day of my life. relatives & friends came all over. and it was the same day as olya's - my same aged neighbour. in the morning, alin had her khatam quran. (did u really finished it ah? hehehhe)... and i was the mic "holder". poor thing.. hukum Allah tiba pada masa itulah jua.. uwan and the troop led the marhaban and things. so lovely.. masih terngiang2 sora lantang uwan.. for uwan, the whole troop decided to budge in. and along had to call for more cars to fetch them up. nasib baiklah kat kg pandan je.

by 12, things over. makan2. and rilex2. some who didnt really read the card, came in with question mark. why got khemah but got no perantin meh? got perantin, but perantin sanding malam ma....

so by 3++ tukang mekap datang and start to do her magical thingy. to change this poor lovely shrek to marvelous looking lady. heheheh.. done with it, then came along the puak2 kola krai. berdebar wehh.. brought down by nisha and witnessed the pahlawan melayu melafazkan akujanji before the pak imam, wali & pengesah2. amin. sekali lafaz aja. from that very moment, the new era of my life has begun.

salam. peluk. cium. nangis. gelak. congratulations. amin.

another event waiting. had to rush up and do another magical thingy. this time has to look extra marvelous than before. ha amik ko.. so lucky i had mak long intan to look at the baju sanding. rupanya the tukang baju didnt do the alteration. tak muat mek nak pakai. yada yada yada.

pak pong. pak pong. pak pong. tangan tukar tangan. jalan pelan2. kipas2. air mawar. daun2. lap tangan. salam. settle.. makan time. ingat boleh makan ke? tak de nyeeeeeee.. so for those yg nak makan beradap tu, kalo ada gastrik, nasihat i, makanlah awal2. hehehe..

things over by 11+. giler punya penat. tido. tido aje tau. ingat perantin tak de keje lain ke? harharhar

next week in kola krai.

ayah woke us up at about 5 am. too soon to realize that i was then waiting for rombongan dari kl at the side of the road. perghhh.. pagi2 kena tido tepi jalan tunggu bas. saba sungguh..

majlis menyambut menantu was pretty easy i guess. kompang pun takde. jalan ramai2. payung pun payung golf je. hahahahha. makan2. that's it. kena tinggal dek bapak & mak. huhu.. sedehhhh..

that's it la. all those happened 3 years ago. still fresh on my mind. how my pasangan lelaki got no pengapit. and the pengapit had to pinjam baju nikah my pasangan lelaki. duhhh..

but best thing was being so glamor la kan. asik amik gamba je. sampai senyum senget2. i think that's the thing that i enjoyed most la.

to my dearie muhammad ramadhan muhammad tahir, happy 3rd anniversary! love u before, love u now and will always love u. insya Allah.


i lupa tanya la.. u malaysian citizen ke? got ic or not?


ala cayang2 bucuk2. makanlah. i tau u lapa punya...


from krai with love (with bapak interframed)

ma (II)

gastrointestinal stromal tumors - "GISTs" is a rare kind of cancer. and that's what doc said about ma. yesterday they pushed ma to OT to have sample. but upon returned to ward, ma was still bleeding. docs were in and out. one in, then came another one. one out, two in. one running to nurse counter, the another one came rushing. and ma was on her way back to OT.

abe cha sms late nite saying ma's wound couldnt be stitched. and they had to glue it (well i dont know. glue seems not to be the rite word..) and ma had to be sedated and placed in ICU.

this morning mak called from penang. bp ma low, still sedated and on ventilator.

now che made is in HKL. waiting for news. and i'm here waiting for his call.

please pray for ma...

surat untuk uwan

assalamualaikum uwan,

kita tulis lagi ni. uwan apa kabo? sorrylah uwan. minggu ni kita cuti. kita tak dapat nak kasik uwan hadiah malam semalam. sorry ye..

apa kita nak update uwan eh.. ayah baru meninggal. dah masuk sebulan la. heart attack. kita tak sempat jumpa ayah. ntahlah uwan. nak kata ralat tak jugak. pikirkan ayah pegi senang aje, senang jugak ati ni rasanya. tapi mungkin sebab kita tak dapat manja ngan ayah lagi kan.. kita rasa sedih jugak uwan.. ayah kan uwan.. dia kalo cakap ngan kita suara dia gelak2. tapi bila dia lafaz "assalamualaikum" serius uwan.. macam kita dengar ucapan YB2 tu la.. hehehe.. alamak.. kita dah start rindu ayah. ye la uwan.. dah sebulan ni, terasa jugak kehilangan ayah. macam uwan jugaklah.. bila dah duk sorang2 mula la layan perasaan.

ma pun skang tak berapa sihat. ma still kat hospital. doc nak wat biopsy. biopsy apa? ntah.. kita nak cite ngan uwan pun kita tak tau. hahaha.. doc kata ma ada GISTs. adik beradik cancer jugalah uwan. cumanya cancer ma ni, jarang2 org dapat. sekarang macam2 uwan..

hari rabu lepas tok usu meninggal. bapak talipon. kita balik ngan made je. mak uteh & pak uda tak de. tak dapat datang. kita jumpala ramai sedara. tapi kan uwan.. banyak yg kita tak tau nama. malu kita. kalo uwan ada, mesti kita dah nempek tepi uwan. dapat tangkap satu nama pun jadiklah.. maklong yati pun tak ingat kita uwan.. sedihnya...

kita tengok sumer org kat situ, kita terkenang kat uwan. kalo uwan ada mesti uwan pun sibuk sama kan? time kita datang org tengah potong daun pandan. kita sempatlah jengah tok usu kat atas umah. maklong yati peluk tok usu kuat. sampai kena tegur ngan pakcik kat situ. poksu mami tanak cium tok usu. dia asik nangis je. opah usu lagilah uwan.. cite ngan kita pun asik mengalir je air mata. opah usu je yg ngadap tok usu. alhamdulillah opah usu kata tok usu dapat mengucap beberapa kali.

hari ni pulak kita dapat berita 2 org meninggal lagi uwan.. ma punya akak ipar dengan lecturer kita kat itm. akak ma tu memang sakit tua. lecturer kita tu dia kena breast cancer. cancer lagi uwan kan? ntahla..

time kat tanjung malim tu sempatlah jugak jumpa faizah. dia dah dapat baby. mohd noor hidayat. itulah nama, itulah panggilnya. berbelit lidah nak panggil. hehehe

nek mah jemput ke umah dia minggu depan. anak cik nani kawin. cik nani tu yg mana pun kita tak kenal uwan. nek mah datang umah jemput sendiri. kita cam segan pulak kalo kita tak pegi kan uwan..

nole pun dah kawin wan. minggu lepas. tapi kita tak stay sampai hari kat umah maklong. kita gi umah lia je. kita ada jemputan lain hari ahad tu. berhabislah maklong bela umahlah itulah inilah. amirul jadi tukang buat pelamin. cantik uwan.... kaler hijau lagi. maklong cium kita banyak kali. ntah kenapa ntah.. asal nampak muka kita dia salam. dia cium. peh tu dia nangis. tak taulah napa uwan. agaknya dia rindu kita kotnye kan? hehehe..

bulan ramadhan dah dekat uwan. kita tak dapat lagi rasa kuih uwan. dah 3 tahun kita tak makan sambal bilis uwan. kita buat sendiri tak sedap. bahulu jangan kata la.. memang kita fel. bila kita mengadap roti jala, kita tak boleh nak makan. kita terkenang roti jala yg uwan selalu buat untuk kita. roti jala diaorang ni lain uwan. tak sesedap air tangan uwan.

uwan.. kita rindu uwan. kita rindu nak peluk uwan. kita rindu nak gurau2, tolak2 uwan. bila kita tengok wan chik, kita teringat uwan. tengok opah usu, kita ingat uwan. sampaikan maklong (paklong shukur) pun ada cakap kat kita, "uwan kamu tak ada susah aku nak kenal kalian". betul uwan. selalunya apa2 berita semuanya daripada uwan. org meninggal, org kawin, org sakit. sumenya uwan yg kasitau. sumenya uwan yg talipon. skang ni apa2 berita pun, kami dapat lambatlah.. kadang2 tak tau berita apa2 langsung. sedih pun ada.. malu pun ada jugak uwan...

air mata ni sama lebat dengan ujan kat luar tu uwan. kita tak patut nangis kan? kita patut sedekahkan al-fatihah kat uwan. tapi kita rindu sangat2 kat uwan. rindu yg amat sangat.. kita nak peluk uwan. nak peluk uwan kuat2. nak cium uwan banyak2. tapi kita tak ada uwan. kita ada gambar uwan je. kita ada kenangan ngan uwan je...

oklah uwan. nanti kita tulis lagi. dah tak nampak skrin dah. berkabur je cemin mata ni pun. nanti kita tulis lagi ye uwan. jaga diri baik2. ingat ye.. kita sayang uwan. sampai bila2 pun kita sayang uwan...

this week

yesterday was my daling's birthday. donno what to get him. so i bought him a pic frame. i wanted to place a pic of myself & adam. but till the end, i couldnt find an interesting one. and i think he likes it. that's why he just put the card & the frame on the table. hahahaha.. put it somewhere la yayang.. cam tak appreciate i beli je tauuuuu

sherry (+ baby in the tummy), abg mirul, iskandar, bapak & big joe dropped by for dinner yesterday. nasik, tomyam & telur - the normal menu. my daling teman ma kat HKL. lucky me adam tak buat hal sangat. adala sikit cranky tengah malam tu, tapi things under control. sedar2 je my daling dah balik. and it was 5:30am. huh...

i received a text from akut last nite. i was pretty worried for her non-reply. and i pity her boyfriend for that reason. hehe.. hope things settled already :)

tomorrow we'll be in segamat for my cousin's wedding. then on sunday we'll be going to johan's wedding. first time i'm invited for a wedding ceremony that only last for 2 hours. starts at 12 and finishes at 2. pelik... we'll head to great eastern mall for bob the builder apperance. then petang sikit lagi head to abg cha's place for su-na's engagement ceremony.

perghh.. penatnya bulan kemerdekaan ni. asik berjalan je... end of the month balik kelantan. jalan lagi.. huhuhu...

trust

according to webster's new world pocket dictionary 3rd edition, trust means belief in the honesty, reliability. and simple word: believe

at the time or typing/writing, i've lost my trust on my neighbour, ms r.

i know there's time when u dont feel like going to work and u start to crample in ur bed trying to figure out a reason to have an mc. myself also like that. but not to the extend bohong sunat jadik bohong tak menjadik la kan.

1st incident, she took mc for 2 days. the first day, another colleague of mine met her loitering around in klcc. that's stupid thing to do la kan. u know u're on medical leave, nak loiter pun cariklah tempat yg jauh daripada office. apara.. that's one thing..

then came this incident. one wednesday morning, she text'ed me "i EL. kena balik ipoh. ayah panggil balik. family matters".

and i went "what????!!!! on wednesday? oh.. the father maybe jatuh sakit. or maybe it's really urgent matter. life vs death. fine" and at the same time, i had thinking like "takanlah ayah dia tak pikir anak dia keje. nak panggil balik pun hari rabu. tengah2 minggu. travel lagi apa lagi. then sabtu nak balik lagi sekali.." u know.. dolu2 kala yes la. some parents just dont care what the kids are doing. when-i-say-come-back-u-have-to-come-back thingy.. but nowadays parents are more tolerable. rite?

so the next morning, i asked her what had happened. she didnt opened her mouth but for "it's a family matters thingy la kak". ok.. fine.... fine with me.. but that's not until i saw in her diary "CHENTA'S birthday". hampeh minah ni.. nak celebrate birthday loved one pun sampai nak menipu. so that started the budak-ni-tak-boleh-percaya feeling.

that incident happened last week. the same weekend, she went home to ipoh. she said to continue the "family matters" incident. and monday she was on leave. tuesday, when i walked in, she was looking sick.

"kenapa ni?"
"ntahlah. rasa tak sihatlah... nak pegi klinik sat ye"

off she went. came back with some medications, which i dont know she took it or not. she told me she was having gastritis. buttttttttt... she could do photocopying thingy for more than 10 minutes. she could sit at the place until the end of the day. whooaaaaa.. if i were to have gastritis, i couldnt even sit up straight. what more with standing... but then again, an angel side of me were thinking, she mite have eaten her medication and recovered.

and this morning, i received a text read as "i'm on mc today. fever & gastric pain".. that's it la. confirmed she's not in my trustworthy person's list. me too have gastritis. but once u've taken the medication, had the burp, troot, prot or whatever the sounds like, it's gone. should be ok. should be fine. ini memang dah maleh nak keje la ni.. and worst thing still, i have to back her up. bloerghhh

tak pe.. tak pe... aiman tak kisahhhhh

taxi drivers

i've had flying colours experience with taxi drivers lately.

taxi 1, malay
situation: visit che nani & ammar

taxi driver: saya selalu pesan sama anak2 saya jangan lawan balik kalo ada org kacau. biarkan saja org buat kita. jangan kita buat org. saya cukup risau dengan budak2 sekolah zaman sekarang ni. takut saya kalau anak2 saya nanti org tunggu tepi jalan, kena buli, kena belasah. takut saya.... mintak dijauhkan la.

myself: tula.. budak sekarang budak dulu lain...

moral of the story: jaga anak kita baik2

*****

taxi 2, indian

situation: back from visiting che nani & ammar

taxi driver: saya sudah biasa bawak laju la kakak. lagi satu ini meter pun sudah biasa kakak. itu hari saya bawak isteri saya pegi shopping saya pigi tekan ini meter sampai bini saya cakap "sama bini pun mau pasang meter ka?" ayo.. susahlah kakak. saya sudah biasa, org naik teksi, saya tekan ini meter

myself: hahaha.. apa macam la u.. isteri pun u mau charge

moral of the story: practice make perfect

*****

taxi 3, malay, talking london

situation: visit ma

taxi driver: u working in klcc? i built klcc. but until now i'm not in klcc. u work for oil & gas company? i have an offer working in refinery plant. i built the refinery plant in melaka. u know this guy? (showed me a business card... macamlah aku kenal serata org dalam donia ni kan..) i still dont know if i want to work with him

myself: i want to go to the main building ya?

taxi driver: i dont know where's the main building

myself: ok. it's further up. here's the neuro dept. where the mental illnesses people are here.. heheh

taxi driver: yes. i was here before.

myself (dalam hati): ya Allah ya tuhanku, selamatkanlah hambaMu ini.......

moral of the story: berhati2 ketika memilih taxi

*****

taxi 4, malay

situation: balik visit ma

taxi driver: (all the way to klcc, silent saja... tenang rasa) nak turun di mana ya?

myself: di menara 2

taxi driver: di sana ya? (sambil menunjuk ke arah menara 2 menggunakan ibu jarinya)

myself: ya. terima kasih

moral of the story: budi bahasa budaya kita

*****

taxi 5, chinese

situation: visit ma

myself: uncle mau ikut jalan mana?

taxi driver: jalan tun razak

- silent. but along the way but i had to listen to an interview between these 2 ladies in mandarin. *sigh* -

moral of the story: learn other languanges.

*****

taxi 6, malay, indonesian

situation: back from visiting ma

taxi driver: kerja di sini ka?

myself: tak. lawat mak mertua

taxi driver: alah.. kalau setakat sakit lutut, kurang air di lutut tu tak payahlah bawa ke hospital. ubati sajalah di rumah. (then baru dia nak tanya:) sakit apa ibunya?

myself: tak pasti lagi. tapi katanya cancer

taxi driver: subhanallah.. itulah. jangan salahkan org lain. salahkan kerajaan. air yg kita minum tu bukannya bersih. saya ke ulu yam kalau mau mengambil air. tapi sekarang sudah ramai org. yada yada yada.. org kita ya bukannya tak ada kerja. tapi malas. saya ni, buat 2 kerja. saya bawa bas rapid kl dan saya bawa teksi. janji ada keringat. jalanla kerjanya. yada yada yada... manusia ni tak pernah cukup. macam di kampung saya ya, ada 1 emas tanah, mau 2 emas. ada 2 emas mau 3 emas. tidak pernah cukup. tunggulah nanti dia di liang lahad barulah cukup dirinya mungkin. pakcik saya seorang ya alim, kuat agama ya. dia kalau anak2nya tidak sembahyang dia hanya kata "mau mati atau mau hidup". cakapnya tidak banyak. tapi ya.. buat insaf. maaf ya. saya ini joyah sedikit. gurau2 tak apa ya..

myself: tak apa. terima kasih banyak2

moral of the story: i-n-s-a-f

those are the times i spent with taxi drivers within these 2 months. beautiful characters within human beings... indah sungguh ciptaan Ya Maha Esa..

ma

ma's case has been transferred to HKL. alhamdulillah. the least that my family & i could do the get rid the riddles of what's wrong with ma's health condition.

last monday i went to visit ma with adam & bapak. since i was so sleepy, i had to drag bapak along. nanti i bawak keta hoyong hayang pulak. sampai je wad 14 i saw somebody who looks just like ayah. dengan baju batik feveret ayah. cemin mata besar. pakai kopiah. height. body structure. memang sebijik ayah. berdegup kejap jantung ni.

"rasanya adik beradik ayah dah takde semuanya" - myself talking.
"dia dah nak pindah bilik ni", he showed the room infront of him
"aaaa.. tima kasih"

i rushed into ma's room.

"kak na, sapa tu?"
"makcik depan ni punya husband"
"oh! sebijik ayah....."

hehehehehe.. gelabah je i ni.

it has been a week now. after ding-dong here and there, ma finally got the attention. ma sakit about the same time ngan ayah. asik sakit perut. peh tu macam kena diarrhea. like ayah, ma also has been up and down hospital krai & kb. for about a year, still they cant conclude ma sakit apa.

yesterday che made brought home a news. ma probably a big "C" patient. tears run fast as i recited yassin. besarnya dugaan Allah swt.

rasa macam baru semalam ma pegang pipi i
rasa macam baru semalam makan sambal yg ma buatkan
rasa macam baru semalam ma jamu mee maggi dengan air milo
rasa macam baru semalam ma bersembang dengan i
rasa macam baru semalam ayah pegi tinggalkan kami

and today i have to embrace dugaan Allah once again.....

i doakan ma sihat
i doakan selamat segalanya
i doakan kesejahteraan ma

amin....

*kadang2 kita tak sedar kehadirannya sampailah tiba kehilangannya*

dangdut is the music of my country

lawak sehhhhhh

dangdut is the music of my country

sorry la.. i tried to embed the video clip here but then failed. click on the above link & selamat terhibur ya!!!

oh cik siti!!!

nak kawin tu kawin jela.... janganlah nak tutup jalan la apa la.. bikin susah la.... gua pegi mau keje pun susah, balik keje pun susah la....

kawin jela kat stadium bukit jalil ke stadium merdeka ke stadium negara ke.. kan ke lagi senang.... dewan pun besar. nak berdiri, nak duduk, nak berlunjur? ha.. sume boleh.. jangan kata keta kuda, nak bawak keta kebal pun bole..

dduuuuhhhhhhhh.......

ni bukan nak bersederhana lagi dah ni.. melampau (+ menyusahkan) yg sebenarnya ni.....

i wish...

rainy day. both me and che made woke up early. and we went out quite early this morning. i was in my car at 7.04 am....

an incident happened...

for this kancil bearing plate no WNT 5185,
if i were to nominate an idiot of the day, i'd name u as the "the best moron", stupid asshole!

*****

my tear dropped..
for the patience i've been losing,
for the honk i made this morning,
for the stupid car i've been cursing..

how i admire some special people
people like my deary husband
that would stay calm when i start panicking
that would prefer funny good things than bad saying

i wish.....
i have more patience

amin

ayah

kak sah called. katanya ayah sakit. dia suh balik. to both me and che made, kak sah ni kadang2 exaggerating sikit. so when she said ayah sakit, for us, oklah... ayah sakit. macam sakit2 biasa. ayah memang selalu sakit for the past few months. even for the past 1 year, ayah tak jejak dah kl. kalo nak jalan jauh pun setakat kemaman saja. no more kl. che made decided not to go back yet. at least org tu pegi, org ni balik. so that umah ayah sentiasa ada yg menunggu.

jumaat petang ayah mintak dihantarkan ke hospital krai. tak larat katanya. menurut kata, ayah stabil. cuma blood pressure ayah rendah. che made changed his mind. dia nak balik ngan kak ti. and abe chik called kata nak balik sekali.

pagi sabtu, baliklah kak ti, hannah & che made ke krai. abe chik & qistina balik ngan abe nan petang sikit. i felt a bit semacam... yelah, since sume cucu tok ayah balik, i think adam should go also. so i told che made, if need be, i'll be there with adam naik flite. lepas hantar che made di muka pintu, i masuk kitchen. tengah basuh tangan, i bau kemenyan. ah sudah.. apa pulak ni. in my mind - ada org nak meninggal ni. i had the same sign with arwah atuk. i lalu depan surau and bau kemenyan. few days after, atuk meninggal. and this time around, it kept me puzzled.

i quickly contacted kak amy and told her that che made & kak ti dah on the way. she asked me why didnt i tag along. i gave reasonable answer. tapi dari suara kak amy, ada yg tak senang. mmm... tak pelah.. petang tu lepas sofi bersihkan umah, i gi isetan. beli baju yg i dah book a day before kat mothercare. then jalan2 sket. while i tengah makan kat secret recipe, che made called. katanya, if i wanna go back, then call abe cha. maybe both me and adam boleh tag along. tapi i leka2 kol abe cha. sampai che made called lagi, barulah i call. dia kat bowling alley. i asked him to purchase 2 flite tickets for both me and my son. so arrangement to go back to krai settled. while che made on the way to krai, we were told ayah was then to be transferred to kb for further action sebab finally doc spotted ayah kena heart attack. che made, kak ti pun sempat jumpa ayah kat atas ambulance tu ajalah..

i gegas gi JJ nak carik bag pulak. che made dah bawak satu bag. and i need a hand luggage bag. in my mind still saying that i wont be there long. that's why i need only a hand luggage & knapsack so that i senang nak jalan ngan adam. sampai JJ, adam dah tido, so sofi kena jaga dalam keta. thanks a lot to sofi. kalo dia tak ada, i tak tau i nak wat camne.. berjujut la i ngan adam gamaknya.

sampai umah, i terus kemas barang. janji ngan bapak suh hantar i kl sentral kul 6.45 sebab flite kul 10.30. and i have to be there at least 2 hours earlier. 6:30 mak sampai ngan bapak. i tengah siap2. adam dah siap dah. bag sumer dah letak tepi. mak got a call from kak ti. then she made few phone calls to transfer ayah to first class ward. my thinking: since ayah dah sakit, kenapa nak bother about bed, carilah specialist.. tapi i tak voice out. i cuma tanya mak, betul ke kak ti nak first class bed? tapi kenapa i tanya mak, i pun tak tau...

we tried to call abe ajih, tak de jawab. call kak amy. dia kata abe ajih kadang2 put phone on silent. kena call banyak2 kali. call lagi. still tak de answer. call pulak wad bendahara. engaged memanjang. i still dalam umah. made called. "yang, u baca la apa2 yg patut". i dah teresak. something going to happen. but i dont want it to happen. at the same time, abe ajih contact balik. dia kata ayah dah tenat. mak gegas kami ke keta. cepat! nanti tertinggal flite. mak nak ikut. mak nak carik tiket, nak ikut sama. dalam keta mak still try to call wad bendahara. line got thru. kejap2 lagi "innalilah".. jatuh sumer air mata. speechless. wajah ayah langsung tak leh i gambarkan. i teresak. adam asik tanya "napa mama?" i call che made. no answer. call lagi. kak ti jawab. "ayah dah tak de na. sabarlah.. tapi tak pe. anak2 saudara ayah, abe ajih sumer ada". urghhh. beratnya.....

mak kata, cancel la tiket tu. balik sekali ngan mak & bapak naik keta. call abe cha. he sounded kusut. i called kak za. she sounds happy. urghh. mesti tak tau berita lagi.. "kak za, ayah dah tak de". kak za nangis tak henti.. i dah tak leh nak kusutkan lagi situation. i cakap mak, tak pelah.. i balik naik flite ngan adam. nanti mak balik ngan bapak naik keta. mak agree.

malam tu balik la i ke krai ngan abe cha, kak za, iman, kak chik & bibik. kak na, kak nah & abe we ada sekali. tapi tak kelihatan atas flite. kak chik & kak za asik menangis. abe cha breakdown dalam erl. sumer org rasa terkilan. i baru je lepas cakap ngan ayah 19hb lepas. pagi lepas che nani bersalin. we were laughing for ammar weighing 4kg. bukan gelakkan apa, tapi sukalah dengar ammar sihat. and 4kg sounds so big la kan... i ingat lagi ayah gelak2. i ingat lagi ayah cakap2 ngan i.....

sampai kb, che made dah tunggu... sayu... terus gerak ke krai. dalam keta, kak chik as first menantu dalam family che made, asik bercite pasal ayah. i menantu bongsu & latest in the family. tak banyak pasal ayah yg i leh kongsi. but then i ingat lagi time ayah first time jumpa i. time ala2 merisiklah. nak balik tu, ma pegang pipi i. senyum je tengok i. ayah pulak peluk i. dalam hati time tu, i ni bukan anak dia lagi. but i feel so glad. he hugged me as i'm already his daughter. i was so touched that time...

tiba krai, i berdebar. abe ajih & abe chik sambut kami. kak ti sambut kami kat tangga umah. i ngan kak chik nangis tak sudah... naik atas, tengok ayah terkujur kaku. abe cha buka penutup muka ayah. i ok lagi. then i mintak kak ti bukak lagi sekali. i dah tak leh tahan. sayu.. sayu sangat2. adam tido, i temankan che made baca yassin. hukum Allah halang i dari sedekahkan yassin buat masa ni. habis baca yassin, i nak tengok ayah dari dekat. i nampak kak chik cium ayah. i nak cium ayah jugak. tapi i takut. tapi i berfikir balik. kalo i tak cium ayah sekarang, i tak leh cium ayah lagi buat selama2nya. i gi dekat. i cium ayah. ayah nampak tenang. terlalu tenang. cam org tido aje. ayah senyum. rasa macam nak suruh ayah bangun. rasa macam nak suruh ayah cakap2. rasa cam nak goyang bahu ayah, suruh ayah bangun dah berbual lagi. tapi hampa. ayah kaku. ayah sejuk. ayah senyum. tapi ayah tak mampu berkata2 lagi...

i masuk tido. besoknya ma baca yassin tepi ayah. lepas baca, ma pegang pipi ayah. mungkin masih berharap sumernya mimpi. ma macam belangkas ngan ayah. mana ayah pegi, situlah ada ma. ma ngan ayah sentiasa bersama. but ma was so strong. dia tak nangis. org lain nangis bagai nak rak, tapi ma tak. ma tenangkan org lain. ma was so calm.

sudah kapan, i cium ayah buat kali terakhir. syahdunya. adam nangis kuat. che made pun nangis. lepas solat, gegas ke kubur. kat krai, sumanya pantas. ayah ke liang lahad pun tak ditunggu anak2nya sampai. nasib baik abe ajih & abe cha laju. sempat sambut ayah ke persemadiannya. sumer sedih. suasana sayu. ma siram kubur ayah. ma hela nafas. ma nangis sikit. barulah nampak air mata ma. cucu2 tok ayah & anak menantu ayah yg ada sedekahkan bekalan untuk ayah. mintak diampunkan dosa2 ayah.

ayah start sakit lepas makan pengat durian. dia muntah on the way nak hantar kawan ma ke kursus haji. "nyawa tak sedap" kata ayah. dari umah ke hospital krai. dari hospital krai ke hospital kb. akhirnya ayah di hospital kb. ayah resah nak terkucil. tiub tu halang nak kucil. ayah minta buka. dah buka, ayah buang air dalam pampers. lepas buang air, ayah mengadu lelah. "leloh pulok doh. tok penoh leloh lagu ni" lepas beberapa kali tarik nafas, ayah hela nafas terakhir. ayah pegi amat mudah. terlalu mudah. itulah akhirnya bagi seorang yg kuat solat macam ayah. org tak putus2 ziarah sebagaimana ayah sewaktu hidupnya. ayah sentiasa pegi melawat org. ayah tak penah lupa call kami anak2nya. ayah call besan2nya. walau sekejap, bagi ayah, jadilah.. daripada tak ada langsung. ayah tak suka putus saudara. ayah carik saudara2nya.
padanlah i asik terbayang2 tarikh 22 july. asik tertanya2 apa nak jadik on 22 july. birthday org ke? ada org kawin ke? ada apa.. rupanya ayah nak pegi....

banyak pengalaman dengan ayah. walaupun hanya 3 tahun i sempat manja ngan ayah, he played big roles in my life. ayah is someone special. dalam terkilan, i rasa bersyukur dengan pemergian ayah. bersyukur dengan masa2 yg i dapat dengan ayah. bersyukur dapat berjumpa dengan org seperti ayah. dalam tegas, ayah baik hati. dalam keras katanya, ayah rasional.

insya Allah, anak2 ayah sudah dididik dengan baik. anak2 ayah patuh dengan tanggungjawab mereka. ayah dah tak ada. tanggungjawab mereka pada ma seorang takan dilepaskan. ma akan ke KL next week. kak ti akan uruskan tanggungjawab ayah. ayah usah risau.

muhammad tahir muhammad
26 March 1936 - 22 July 2006
7:05 pm
acute coronary synorome (instemi) with upper git bleeding
hospital raja perempuan zainab ii, kota bharu

al-fatihah

dengar sini wahai sahabat semua!!!

ehem.. ehem..

1.. 2.. 3...

testing.. testing...

assalamualaikum dan salam sejahtera

dengan ini, saya dengan sukacita dan bangganya mengumumkan kehadiran ahli baru dalam family tree kami.

baby boy ini telah selamat dilahirkan pada pukul 12:42 malam. (consider 19 july 2006 la kan?)

yipppppieeeeee!!!

alhamdulillah....



nota kaki:
bukan baby saya ye... ni baby big joe & che nani.

my weak-end

yesterday i took EL and spent a day with adam. and today he doesnt wanna go to maknek's. poor ayah kena pujuk anak tercinta..

i started my saturday with wedding at my xboss's kenduri. it was his 2nd daughter's wedding. b4 that i met a long friend of mine - johan. dah nak kawin dah dia.. after the wedding we went to toys r us to find gifts for che made's little nieces & nephews. abg ajih and family was on the way to kolakrai and stopped to fetch kak sah. so we had makan2 at kakchik's. yummy.... dah dekat kul 11.30 pm baru balik umah. letihnye...

then on sunday we went to iskandar's (sherry's) birthday party. then myself headed to alpha angle. the 4th day in a row. heheh.. i was in AA on thursday for saja2 jalan2 sambil carik kasut kak sah. sambil2 jugak tengok talipon baru. on friday pegi lagi. this time bawak mak & alin and also beli henpon baru. then saturday pegi lagi. sebab nak beli hadiah anak2 sedara che made. then sunday for the RALK's meeting. after the meeting i had a minum2 petang with ad & diana. sessi "suai kenal" rakan2 seperjuangan :)

i think if AA ada kasik hadiah saguhati untuk pengunjung terbanyak dalam satu minggu sure i dah boleh register.. hahaha

then that sunday nite, makmok (che nani's mom) came with the other sisters.

what a weekend kan?

and i have to make this announcement:

"saya dengan ini meminta maaf kepada suami saya yg tercinta kerana saya telah terleka bersama rakan2 saya sehingga menyebabkan suami saya tidak dapat menghadiri gathering bersama ahli keluarganya. saya mintak ampun dan maaf banyak2 sangat.. sangat yg amat sangat..."

i feel bad

sorry dear