my mukhsin

i met my mukhsin many years ago. precisely, 16 years ago (iye.. for those who know my age, 4 words - cinta tidak kenal usia.. hahaha).

how i got attracted? i got no idea. love at first sight, i should say. . it all started with a friend. a friend whom actually fall for me. my mukhsin gave in. but he knew and his friend also knew, cinta manakan berputik jika bertepuk sebelah tangan. from being a postman, we started to fell for each other. after 6 months, he had to make a move. that was when our "long" distance love story started.

the love ship sailed north, south, east and west for 3 years.

one fine day i promised a friend to accompany her meeting her date. tidak disangka-sangka, the date was also a friend of mine. we were so happy that day. and only me who thought it was.. from far away, there was my mukhsin. looking at me with his friends. And my thought, “oh. what a twist of fate..” and i went to greet him

few days later, i got my latest pic taken during my mukhsin’s mentor’s wedding – in pieces. the postlady – my neighbour, had hard time explaining. i cried and cried and cried. oh why! oh why! oh why! so many answers. none to conclude…

time flies

we went out one day. one topic to another. and we had this conversation:

mukhsin: macam mana u dengan that x-guy?

myself: x-guy? kenapa dengan dia?

mukhsin: u gf dia dulu kan?

myself: eh pluhleeze la.. mana ada lah. dia tu bf y-lady la.

mukhsin: yg dulu la. yg i nampak u dengan dia tu?

myself: mana ada la.. i gi teman y-lady jumpa bf dialah

mukhsin: he was ur bf kan? that was the reason u nak broke up kan?

myself: eh.. mana ada. since when that he became my bf? u ingat i suka-suka hati nak rampas bf kawan sendiri ke?

mukhsin: dah tu kenapa u mintak gambar u balik?

myself: bila pulak i mintak gambar i balik? all i know u yg pulangkan gambar i – in pieces to be exact

mukhsin: dah x-guy kata u yg nak balik. sebab dia kata u suka dia

myself: mukhsin! no! that wasn’t true. postlady told me that u return my picture as u already had a new lady.

mukhsin: i pulak. mana i ada gf. i was so sad to find out that u ada hati dengan org lain. siap u nak eksyen depan i lagi. so i tore the pic in pieces.

myself: noooo.. i was not eksyen depan u. they wanted to go to that taman. So I followed. i tak duk area tu, remember? mana i tau jalan. last thing i knew, u were there. i thought u terjalan kat situ jugak. that’s why i was so happy seeing u

mukhsin: no.. my friends brought me there. they said u want to meet me there.

myself: I have never planned such meeting. if i were to meet you, i would have called u, myself. buat apa i nak bagitau kawan2 u?

silent

mukhsin: i think they have fooled us. they have twisted the story. i got this version and u got another version. they just cant understand.. they just cant accept it.. now that they all dah ada gf, i hope they understand how we felt..

myself: - speechless -

how i wish i could turn back time.

how i wish his friends would understand.

how i wish he’s mine…..

we spent the weekend (without sleeping over) in bukit tinggi. that time that place had no phone coverage. so we had no disturbance. Only he, me, us.

we settled down. u, me, good friends.

the other day, he got married. i had mix feelings. i’ve let him go. i had. i have. i have to. only 3 things.

one, the wife whom i first met years ago had once said to me out loud “pantang nampak jantan hensem. mengekor je”. and that time i went “kenapa kakak ni? ngata aku ke apa? this is my bf la”. so when I first found out about their relationship, i had a good laugh with akut. “patutlah dia dok ngata aku sangat.. rupenye dia pun teringin.. hahahaha”

second, my mukhsin is the only person whom i was with, that never berjalan berpegangan tangan – suci murni kan? heheheh..

third, he’s the only one whom would point at me proudly say “she’s my first love” to almost everybody, including the x-gf, x-fiance and wife.

everybody has a first love story to tell.

i've told mine

*mukhsin adalah bukan nama sebenar. Nama samaran semata2. tidak ada kaitan di dalam ini cerita*