i miss u, dearly

pagi tadi mokteh talipon. i didnt answer. i didnt notice it actually. tapi rasanya dah tau kenapa dia kol... today is 22 november 2007. time flies...

i wish i could turn back the time. i wish i could still be a person that is so close to my heart. a person who has important role in me. a person when she was still alive, she was being so strong for everybody.. yet, i've made her cried once. that was when i talked about pokde. she has never lose her faith in pokde. pokde was an addict. masuk kuar serenti, confirm. and she has never failed to visit pokde whenever he was behind bars. we have never been there. neither on ourselves nor with her. she has always been there alone. pagi raya, org tak siap berbaju raya, dia dah called. "bila nak gi kubur ni?" lambat means, she'll go by taxi. she's not willing to wait. she's so independent. after that, she'll make her way to visit pokde. terkulat-kulat la kami ni tunggu dia balik. she never bothers. alhamdulillah, all her prayers were answered. pokde kembali ke pangkal jalan. we could never see pokde lepa solat. not even once.

air tangan dia is the best. the best ever. you could ask her to cook anything.. it will never match anybody. jangan "tersebut", confirm dia pun "terbuat". she will buy the ingredients herself. she'll go to pasar pudu. the best place for her shopping. or she'll ask us to buy it for her if we're happen to visit her. she has never failed to say "yes" to any orders. last minute orders pun gerenti siap. turun naik tangga flat 4 tingkat has never been her burden. she wouldnt mind turun naik tangga. lupa beli bawang, turun balik. naik balik. lupa beli garam, turun lagi. then naik lagi. she has never complaint. but we know.. we know she was in pain. the pain that she doesnt want anybody to know. the pain that only once in a blue moon, she'll ask for help.

she's so used living alone. she bought the house for dear paklong. but paklong has his own plans. kalo datang visit, kadang2, dia tertido sambil tunggu anak cucu datang. cian dia.. but she has never complaint. malam pun dia tak kisah. petang pun tak pe.. kalo tertido, dia bangun. kalo dia solat, kita la tunggu... tapi skang umah tu jadik macam gajah putih. hanya ada pokde sorang. anak cucu tak lagi datang. rumah tu dah tak meriah. dah takde makanan best2. ada pun habuk. ada pun kenangan. ada pun barang2 dia yg no body dares to touch. to much emotions..

she's always there for me.. i was brought up in kg pandan, that was my kampung. my favourite place to lepak. why? because she's there. she'll always back me up. no matter what happened. cite i masak nasik lupa letak air jadik riuh sekampung. wan milo, wan teksi, nenek kak jannah, pakat gelak ramai2. anak dara nak belajar masak. gitulah... again, she'll keep on teaching. turunkan ilmu di dada.. anak cucu je tak pandai grab opportunity..

now she's no longer here. no longer to be my shoulder to cry on.

i always let her play with her thoughts.... let her be.. and now i miss her thoughts. her words, her hugs & kisses. i miss her smell and i miss her being my side. i miss her a lot. all i have are memories. all i got are just flashbacks. i wish she's beside me. i wish she'll always there for me. i wish she's back......

i wish she's never been there... been there away from me... been there in her lovely house..

ya Allah.. ampunkanlah hambaMu ini. hambaMu yg amat merindui uwannya. hambaMu yg seringkali leka dengan kurniaanMu. hambaMu yg kerdil dan seringkali alpa dan lupa. ampunkanlah hambaMu ini.. aku tau... uwan aman di sana. uwan damai di sana. uwan tenang di sana. insya Allah...

alfatihah


"uwan.... kita rindu uwan tau.. kita sayang uwan tau"

"ye.. aku tau"

it seems like yesterday....

sayang bini?

a) bawak gi habib jewels, poh kong dan kedai yg sewaktu dengannya

b) bagi rm lima puluh ribu sahaja setiap bulan

c) belikan kereta berjenama mewah dan tukar setiap 6 bulan

d) semua di atas

tet! too bad. pepatah melayu berkata, sayang bini tinggal-tinggalkan. :P

once again i thank Allah swt for the opportunity of having a circle of friends that has been very supportive and concern about me. i can never thank each of you. hopefully cukuplah sekadar i wish all of you well too and hopefully to be by your side whenever you need me around.

this "opportunity" of being left behind, or should i say "a single handed mother" temporarily has a bit taught me to be taugh & strong for you loved one. i'm known as kememe and dependent to my other half. so when he has to be away (like this), i learn to do things on my own. dalam erti kata sebenarnya, aku ni pemaleh... dah kena tinggal sendiri ni, kena buatlah.. kalo tak, nak harap sapa lagi nak buatnye... hahahahah

if made used to wash adam's poo-poo, since he's away, i have to do it. adam dahlah berak satu malam berkali2. apa la dia makan kat umah mak nek tu..

if made used to make adam's food & susu, since he's away, the role is mine. adam sangat picky ok. but lucky he's ok with pizza, biskut & spateti. pick up the phone and order.. wow.. menakjubkan

if made is the one who throw the rubbish every morning, since he's away, that's my job. tapi pagi tadi terlupa. hahahhaha

but above all, i miss the moment when we complete the task together :(

if i were to wash the clothes & start the washing machine, he will hang all the clothes. or sometimes, we will do it together

if i were to angkat the kain, he will angkat the bakul

if i were to lipat the kain, he will lipat yang cepentot

if i were to finish lipat-ing the kain, he will kemas all of it and ruin my colour coding of my tudung. :P

thanks for the advance of technology. we feel so close despite being physically apart. made has set up googletalk so that we could have a mean of communication. smses and phone calls are toooooo expensive for a middle-of-the-month-trip.

adam was so good yesterday. well.. tho ada sikit naughty, rasa tak sampai hati nak marah. buatnya dia nangis mintak ayah, satu keje pulak la nak kena beli tiket gi thailand.. ngehngehngeh..

miss u honey.. eh.. ni bukan honey.. ni panthy. ngehngehngeh...

saja nak tanya.. korang baca made tu as "made in china" ke made as my pronunciation? it's ma-de tau.. made in kelantan. hehehe

marriage proposal - another dimension

i thank all for your comments on my "marriage proposal" post. so glad that i know i have the bestest friends all around me. however, i'm so sorry to admit that the post on "marriage proposal" was not actually on a friend getting married, left me behind, or any sort of that matter. it was actually about me & my good-friend-for-life, made.

he is indeed the bestest, closest friend i've ever had. when you all have some little dirty secret with your loved one, i dont have any with my other half. i told him everything... uh.. almost everything la. :P

basically, the post was meant for made.

the marriage proposal was actually an offer of transfer that made received few weeks ago. i've been asking him to seek for any opportunities to work in KL. but he was so happy with his current position & work, which is 30km away from the house and cost him an hour or so to get to his office. so when he got this offer, i was so delighted. little that i know, he'd be traveling - a lot...

this transfer means he has to travel to the other joint venture company for the systems set up and other IT thingy. it's not soooo far, indeed. only in thailand. yes thailand. when u'd be thinking, oohh.. she must be worrying about the "chickens"; actually i'm more concern of his safety. insya Allah, all will be fine. touchwood!

made was so excited about this transfer. he showed me his chat history with his new colleague and we had quite an exciting conversation about it until suddenly he stopped talking about it. the next thing i knew, he came back from a barber shop and told me "yang, i nak gi amik gambar for my passport. i ingat nak gi putrajaya besok". i went sulking. why? because i was not informed about the transfer progress. then suddenly, passport. apa nih?

so i built up the wall. sulking for few days. until he wrote me an email explaining the whole thing to me. things settled, he went to the immigration office in wangsa maju. got the passport in an hour. transfer arrangement still in process. and now at the time of typing, he's on his way to KLIA. by the time you're reading, he's already in thailand. uh.. time flies!

this morning when made woke me up for subuh prayer, he has already bathed. i was crossed. we normally bathe together ok.. we prayed together but then i went sulking. why la... why he has to leave me behind. one, the financial planning. then the passport making. and now?

both of us cried. i cried not for i mad with him. that was just a minor reason. i cried because i know i'm going to miss him. i'm going to miss him a lot. the last time he was assigned for a week outstation trip, it was only to bakun. that time, i was still living with my parents and adam was still in my womb. thereafter, it was only local day trips. now that he had to go for a week in thailand, i felt a little emptiness. i nak gaduh ngan sapa? i nak mengadu kat sapa? i nak bermanja ngan sapa? malam nanti i nak tido ngan sapa? huhuhu...

adam was crying yesterday when he saw made packing his things. i pun sayu.. ntahla.. i hope everything will be just fine. ajal, maut, rezeki, jodoh, semuanya kurniaan Allah. angkasawan gi space pun alhamdulillah selamat, yg langgar pillar pulak yg meninggal. kan?

so my dearie friends... please bear with me for a couple of days ye.. :)

ayah, mama, eh... mana adam? rambut je?









ayah, mama, eh eh.. tak muat pulak adam..







ha... adam, mama, ehhhh.. mana ayah ni? maing-maing demo nihhh..

my 2007 raya

i had sort of pathetic raya this time around. read on..

i planned to start cleaning up the house the day before. sekolah cuti. however, i was totally in sleeping mode. i had to force & drag my beautiful-like-the-stars-up-in-the-sky feet & hands to start the cleaning at nite and continue a bit more on the first day of hari raya. too bz with the cleaning that i have totally forgotten to iron made's baju melayu. only realize about it when he woke up and ready for raya's prayer. (ngok ngek laki aku.. dah nak solat raya baru nak bangun tido :P). we all got ready by 10. and made our move to my kampung. ehem.. ehem.. 5 minutes away, no tolls, no traffic, no highways... hahahaha..

main thing in mind, of course, food. i tried not to eat too much but the food were sooooo tempting and has this "marilah-makan-saya-yang-sangat-sedap-ini" look. delicious ok. well, eventhough it is not, somehow, it IS delicious if it was our mom's cooking. aint me rite? mak made some pulut kuning and rendang daging. i'm not fond of rendang ayam. sorry. add in some serunding giler best dari kak yah kelantan. perghh.. 2 words to describe: sangat sedap. sangat leleh air lioq

then salam2 raya. bapak didnt want to put on his baju raya because along took his kain raya back to ipoh. and another thing, his baju raya is actually a baju raya cina which he bought in taiwan recently :P then mak uteh arrived with her "ku lihat hijau" team. sembang2, salam2 we made our move to tanjung malim.

who's in tanjung malim? my darling uwan, of course. i was so agitated at first because some parties were delaying the trip. somehow, hati sangat sayu upon arriving uwan's lovely house. the same old feeling whenever i visit her lovely house. the moment i stepped out of the car, the tears would accompany. nevertheless, i enjoyed this opportunity. the closest moment to her, the closest i could be by her side.

we then visited uwan cik & uwan usu and soon made our way back to kl during the downpour.

the very next day, when it's only 7:30am and our dearly back door neighbour has already started their karaoke session. hampehh.... we then lead our way to nurul's place, then mak's - to get our stomach filled up. heheheh.. and to start our pathetic raya, we made our way to eye on malaysia. sangat beraya di perantauan kan? luckily there was a long queue and drizzles. we moved to our 2nd destination, ikea. amazingly, the store was sooooooo full of people. even the front parking entrance was closed due to overwhelming visitors. we parked our car in the curve instead. for record, only 1/2 hour spent in ikea. first time ever. hahahahaha

then only we went for our raya to kak yam's, zahar's, kak noor's & aiza's place. kembali ke sarang at about 11.30 pm.

3rd raya dah tak tau buat apa. tunggu ajelah barang ikea sampai. kemas rumah ala kadar, and get ready for work the next day. raya ke 4 dah keje ok.. made still on leave. cian i :(

that was my 2007's raya. sangat best. kan? additional note, ma (made's mom) is now in town. so tak balik raya kat kelantan pun tak pe, mak mentua mari turut.. hahahahaha.. sangat durjana punya menantu. muahahahah

selamat hari raya all :)

thank you!!

to those whom have spared some time to come over for our open house. let see.. can i remember all?

* makcik leha & abg basri
* liya & husband
* abg li, kak chum, fatimah, dijah & imran
* abg cha, kak za & iman
* kak ti, abg nan & hannah
* taj
* julie & ajim
* nurul, hubby & their little girl
* tok ma
* abg chik, kak chik & nina
* ikmal, wife & kids
* kak shida, abg nasri, danish & diyanah
* pak syed & sham
* kak salama & hubby
* marie-france & kamal
* linda, hubby & 2 kids
* kak nik, hubby & 4 kids
* pak cik yatim, cik ana, nisa & leyla
* makcik lat, makcik yang, kak liza & 2 kids
* makcik pah, abg man & kak wati
* kak nik & kids
* kak mala, hubby & kids
* kak tuty, abg bodeng & little boy
* mak uteh, pak uteh, mira, syafiq, akim & intan
* pak uda
* pak long, mak long, nole, lia & aziq
* kor, suzi & kids
* kubba, kak lenny & kids
* korup, yati & kid
* putong, anis, & kids
* jaki & wife
* kak ziana, nurul & nasrul
* izmir & nani
* en. mat poin
* cik tinah, cik man & lokman
* kak zaini & family
* noor, hubby & kid
* aunty norlia, uncle khalid, nek & nana
* aunty yati, uncle khairul, atheerah & aleen
* uncle meo, aunty e, yani & kimi
* riko & sofea
* mastika, dania & 2 friends
* ija, hubby & kid
* fariz
* ana & hubby
* izan, hubby & kid
* kak azila, mother & kid
* kak mah, hubby & kid
* kak akmar & ita
* rohaiza & kids
* inaz
* ayu, makcik, shafik & shakir
* syahman, riza & yana
* mak nek, intan & alien
* eebal & daiya
* arman & yati
* fendi & nisya
* fik & bob
* mak & bapak

i hope everyone has been counted in. i wanna thank all of you for making our days (read: to finish all our ordered dishes. hahahaha)

special thanks goes to che nani, along & ammar, for making this open house merrier & i couldn't do it without your help. thank you very much.

thanks to sherry, amirul, iskandar & zulkarnain for preparing the extra dish for me. thanks dearie.

post open house note:
at first we were contemplating in hosting the open house. made has some urgent thing to do. going for outstation trip some more. furthermore our front house neighbour has put up a canopy infront of our house for their daughter's engagement ceremony. but then, thought after thought, we decided to go along with it. and i'm so thankful for it. food were great. our must-have-dish, satay; roti jala & meehoon sup thailand from kak ani was so special. everybody was asking for the recipe. i have to get one myself. everything went smoothly.

alhamdulillah :)

i hope everybody was enjoying themselves & had a good time.

thank you again.