i miss u, dearly

pagi tadi mokteh talipon. i didnt answer. i didnt notice it actually. tapi rasanya dah tau kenapa dia kol... today is 22 november 2007. time flies...

i wish i could turn back the time. i wish i could still be a person that is so close to my heart. a person who has important role in me. a person when she was still alive, she was being so strong for everybody.. yet, i've made her cried once. that was when i talked about pokde. she has never lose her faith in pokde. pokde was an addict. masuk kuar serenti, confirm. and she has never failed to visit pokde whenever he was behind bars. we have never been there. neither on ourselves nor with her. she has always been there alone. pagi raya, org tak siap berbaju raya, dia dah called. "bila nak gi kubur ni?" lambat means, she'll go by taxi. she's not willing to wait. she's so independent. after that, she'll make her way to visit pokde. terkulat-kulat la kami ni tunggu dia balik. she never bothers. alhamdulillah, all her prayers were answered. pokde kembali ke pangkal jalan. we could never see pokde lepa solat. not even once.

air tangan dia is the best. the best ever. you could ask her to cook anything.. it will never match anybody. jangan "tersebut", confirm dia pun "terbuat". she will buy the ingredients herself. she'll go to pasar pudu. the best place for her shopping. or she'll ask us to buy it for her if we're happen to visit her. she has never failed to say "yes" to any orders. last minute orders pun gerenti siap. turun naik tangga flat 4 tingkat has never been her burden. she wouldnt mind turun naik tangga. lupa beli bawang, turun balik. naik balik. lupa beli garam, turun lagi. then naik lagi. she has never complaint. but we know.. we know she was in pain. the pain that she doesnt want anybody to know. the pain that only once in a blue moon, she'll ask for help.

she's so used living alone. she bought the house for dear paklong. but paklong has his own plans. kalo datang visit, kadang2, dia tertido sambil tunggu anak cucu datang. cian dia.. but she has never complaint. malam pun dia tak kisah. petang pun tak pe.. kalo tertido, dia bangun. kalo dia solat, kita la tunggu... tapi skang umah tu jadik macam gajah putih. hanya ada pokde sorang. anak cucu tak lagi datang. rumah tu dah tak meriah. dah takde makanan best2. ada pun habuk. ada pun kenangan. ada pun barang2 dia yg no body dares to touch. to much emotions..

she's always there for me.. i was brought up in kg pandan, that was my kampung. my favourite place to lepak. why? because she's there. she'll always back me up. no matter what happened. cite i masak nasik lupa letak air jadik riuh sekampung. wan milo, wan teksi, nenek kak jannah, pakat gelak ramai2. anak dara nak belajar masak. gitulah... again, she'll keep on teaching. turunkan ilmu di dada.. anak cucu je tak pandai grab opportunity..

now she's no longer here. no longer to be my shoulder to cry on.

i always let her play with her thoughts.... let her be.. and now i miss her thoughts. her words, her hugs & kisses. i miss her smell and i miss her being my side. i miss her a lot. all i have are memories. all i got are just flashbacks. i wish she's beside me. i wish she'll always there for me. i wish she's back......

i wish she's never been there... been there away from me... been there in her lovely house..

ya Allah.. ampunkanlah hambaMu ini. hambaMu yg amat merindui uwannya. hambaMu yg seringkali leka dengan kurniaanMu. hambaMu yg kerdil dan seringkali alpa dan lupa. ampunkanlah hambaMu ini.. aku tau... uwan aman di sana. uwan damai di sana. uwan tenang di sana. insya Allah...

alfatihah


"uwan.... kita rindu uwan tau.. kita sayang uwan tau"

"ye.. aku tau"

it seems like yesterday....