mengenang uwan

hari ini, 5 tahun lalu
mata ini merenung sekujur tubuh kaku
tangan yang suatu ketika tangkas menyedia hidangan
kaki yang pernah pantas mengejar waktu
badan yang dulunya tegap menggalas tanggungjawab

hari ini, 5 tahun lalu
mata ini mengalir air mata laju
mengenang kenangan 26 tahun yang lampau
mengimbas peristiwa suka dan duka
mempamer kejadian tawa dan lara

hari ini, 5 tahun lalu
hati ini gundah gulana
melayan perasaan antara "pergilah" dan "kembalilah"
mengimbang hati yang duka dan kosong
menyentap jiwa yang masih memerlukan dan menghendaki

hari ini, 5 tahun lalu
tangan ini memanjat doa ke hadrat Yang Esa
kaki ini mengalun langkah lemah mengiringi tubuh
hati ini berombak menahan sebak
mata ini bengkak melambai pergi

sesudah 5 tahun berlalu
hati ini masih sebak menahan gundah walau tidak ada jasadnya lagi
mata ini masih mengalir air mata walau tidak nampak tubuhnya lagi
tangan ini masih memanjat doa ampunkan dosanya walau tidak sedar akan masa yang pergi
kaki ini masih gagah menziarah kuburannya walau tanah dan nisan itu masih begitu rupanya

kita rindukan uwan
uwan tau kan?

dah lama uwan tak cium pipi kita
dah lama kita tak bau minyak yang uwan selalu pakai
dah lama kita tak pegi umah uwan
dah lama kita tak makan masakan uwan
dah lama kita tak gurau dengan uwan
dah lama kita tak dengar uwan sembang
dah lama kita tak gelak tengok uwan tetiba tido, tetiba menyampuk org cakap
dah lama kita tak bergosip dengan uwan
dah lama kita tak nampak uwan...

kita dah nak ada baby nombor 2, uwan
doktor kata, insya Allah baby girl
kalo betul, kita ada sepasang dah uwan
kalo uwan ada, mesti uwan yang jaga; macam uwan jaga adam
kalo uwan ada, mesti kita tak susah-susah pikir sapa nak jaga kita masa pantang
kalo uwan ada, mesti uwan dah sibuk pegi chowkit carikkan air periuk untuk kita, siap dengan cerek kecik sekali
kalo uwan ada, mesti uwan join kita minum macam itu hari
kalo uwan ada, mesti uwan yang masak untuk kita

mmmm...
kalo uwan ada, mesti kita tak rindu uwan macam ni....

uwan...
kita rindu uwan..
rindu yang sangat-sangat rindu
kita nak sangat peluk uwan
kita nak sangat duduk sembang ngan uwan
kita nak sangat cium uwan banyak-banyak
kita nak sangat uwan.. kita nak sangat....

5 tahun lepas, kita rasa tak puas kita cium uwan
tak puas rasa peluk uwan
tak puas rasa tengok uwan
hati kita memang lepaskan uwan pergi
tapi hati yang sama rasa tanak lepaskan uwan
Allah tu Maha adil kan uwan?
Dia nak hambaNya tabah menerima takdir
Dia nak hambaNya gagah dengan apa yang termaktub
demi masa depan kita juga

Ya Allah.. kuatkanlah hatiku..
tabahkanlah semangatku
aku redha dengan apa yang tersurat dan tersirat buatku

amin...

weekend plans

besok ada wedding - christian wedding. puas dah tanya org apakah etika christian wedding. jawapan sumer variety. adehhh.. the last time i attended a christian wedding, it was mary's wedding. and that was 8-9 years ago. time tu tak tau menda. org duduk, kita duduk. org berdiri, kita berdiri. ngikut je apa org buat. dah habis segala baru derang nak bagitau, "u tanak buat pun tak pe.. kita paham u're not a christian". cish! this time around tak tau apa nak expect. mungkin pegi lambat sikitlah. supaya senang adjourn ke lunch sahaja :D

next in line would be bringing adam for his swimming session. umak cik itam bakal menjadik mangsa. itu aje swimming pool yg free. nak jadik member KDE ntah bilanya. tak sure worth being a member ke tak.. main reason is for adam to enjoy the facilities especially the swimming pool since it's good for his asthmatic problem. then i was thinking, kalo nak buat makan2 ke apa ke, pun macam senang aje sebab dah ada membership. dekat jugak dengan opis. maknanya, anak boleh enjoy dekat kelab, mak boleh pegi keje. tak gitu?

ahad pulak ada 2 wedding invitations. satu kat klang, gate satu kat taman permata. nasib baik jauh sejengkal aje. kot jauh, tak kosa nak gi de.... demi nasik minyak, ku gagahkan juga. mintak2 ada ayam masak merah. amin...... itu hari makan ayam masak merah kat umah kak riri, sangatlah sedapnya. nak masak sendiri, mintak ampun mahap ajelah. sampai la masak sambal pun fel. macam mana eh.. nak kasik dia berminyak. dah tambah bawang. dah tambah air. cuma tak sanggup tambah minyak je. jap lagi bibir rasa macam anita sarawak. oh tidak!

adam dah setat cuti sekolah. apalah nak disuruh anak bujang ni buat eh? in 3 weeks time dia dah nak dapat adik dah. mmmm... excited abg adam. hari2 pun tanya "is it december yet?". adik kuar nanti, ko tak jaga, siap ko adam.. hehehehe.. 26th will be the last check up. i hope. peh tu tunggu masa nak deliver aje. date dah fixed. baju baby pun dah ada. barang baby pun dah ok. tunggu baby aje nih. ish.. berdebar2 pulaknya... nak memerut pun takut. takut terteran baby. mintak-mintaklah dipermudah segalanya. amin!

oh pembantu

hari ni my maid (and my son) kena marah. sebabnya, pintu bilik terkunci & she didn't inform me. yes.. it is so the remeh the temeh. but i was so geram. itu hari bila adam nangis sebab spongebob habis, boleh pulak dia kol. hari ni bila pintu kunci tak boleh kol pulak? kot kunci yg i ada tu tak leh guna untuk pintu bilik, guano cito? takkan nak panggil org pecah pintu? and when i asked her that question, her answer was "saya ingat cik ada kuncinya". aih.. main ingat2 aje.

fortunately, kunci umah yg i ada tu, boleh pakai untuk bilik. itupun when i mumbled, "nasib baik boleh bukak pakai kunci ni, kalo tak boleh tadi?". she replied, "saya udah cuba kunci saya, tapi tak boleh". dah ada aku nak kasik pulak kunci bilik aku kat enko? ala-la-la-la-la...

i asked her, why didn't she notify me? she said, "nanti adam takut dimarahi". wahh.. jawapan itu sangat membuatkan saya berang. i told her "ini anak saya. saya mama dia. saya tahu macam mana saya nak didik anak saya. kalau dia buat salah, kalau dia patut kena marah, dia akan kena marah. kenapa kamu nak selindung dia?". she cried..

an incident happened much earlier whereby adam was playing in her room and the whole langsir with the pemidai @ penggantung (ke apa nama dia??) jatuh. she didn't tell me. i was watching tv, suddenly benda tu jatuh dari its hiding place. adam immediately cried even before i scolded him. and still she didn't tell me what happened but only informed that adam was playing in her room and the thing fell down.

so today i told her.. no matter what happens, whether or not it is adam's fault, her fault or anybody's fault; she has to tell me. i would then justify untuk marah or not to marah. i told her that she's my trustee that has the responsibility to look over my kid and kids soon. but if she can't even bother to tell me such thing like this, how am i suppose to put my trust on her when she has my baby with her? and worst still, baby can't talk. baby can only cry. and this made she cried some more..

i have to express my frustation. i didn't mean to scold her. i didn't mean to make her cry. i wouldn't want that situation if i were to be her as well. i understand her intention was good. she's taking a good care of adam. but she has to tell me. she has to keep me informed.

another thing that i highlighted was on groceries. i've already told her that she needs to tell me if beras habis; sayur dah takde; sos dah tinggal sikit; sabun basuh kain dah tak cukup. because we have to think about unplanned occasion that might take place. i might invite friends and family for lunch or dinner. what would happen if i dont have enough things in my dapur and tetamu are already on their way? how to basuh baju if sabun dah habis? i told her that i knew beras dah habis since sunday and she has yet to inform me about that. even when i asked to cook nasik today, and i asked if the beras was still enough, she said yes without checking. i didn't have anything to say upon hearing her response...

i like my maid. she's wonderful. she's helpful. my family likes her. and she has yet to make any of my baju bocor. alhamdulillah.. knock-knock; touch wood. but small-small things like this la.. it got into my nerve. i'm not trying to be cerewet or anything near that. it might be small to you, but it the impact might be greater on me. like i told her, "cara kamu fikir, mungkin tidak sama dengan apa yang saya fikir"

i told her, my responsibility over her is even greater than my responsibility over adam. at least adam is my son. but she's not. she's neither my relative nor siblings and not even my darah daging. i am answerable to her parents should anything happen to her. and i dont know her parents. making her cry made me feel worst. i am not some kind of majikan yg amik screwdriver dera maid. i'm not any human being that would amik air panas siram maid. i'm not that type. i know my limitation.

i even told her that i dont like adam & ammar to play in her room because i want them to respect her privacy area. and she did comment "cik pun masuk bilik itu". wahh.. menjawab! "ya! saya masuk sebab saya perlu amik barang saya di dalam bilik itu. tetapi saya tidak ganggu tempat kamu tidur. kerana saya hormat ruang peribadi kamu. saya tidak suka budak2 ini lompat2 atas katil saya atau main dalam bilik. sebab itu ruang rehat saya," i replied. then only she told me that she already tegur adam but adam didn't want to listen. so i told her "sebab kamu tidak pernah beritahu saya.. jadi saya tidak tahu. sama seperti barang2 kamu. sabun kamu, shampoo kamu. jika sudah habis, kamu tidak beritahu saya, macam mana saya mau belikan?" she nodded and wiped her tears.

i hope she will understand why i had to voice things out and why i had to express my concern. things wrapped up with i gave her a hug and expressed my apology & hope.

ya Allah.. ko ampunkanlah dosa hambaMu ini..

baca buku

i've quite a number of books which are overdue to be read. and i've just finished 2 of them in the past 3 weeks. uih... lama gila tak baca buku cerita. while in mood, better continue. karang mood membaca dah hilang, asik bawak buku ke hulu, ke hilir. bacanya tak jugak. luckily made is sort of a bookworm. or else, i couldnt be bother reading any books. more of kumpul receipts for tax rebate aje. hehehe.. and now since having a maid, i have extra-extra tax rebate. i dont have much works to offer, therefore, to keep her occupied, we bought her story books - of her choice. kalo kami pilihkan, takut tak kena pulak dengan jiwa raga dia.

first book i read was by freya north - "love rules".

Thea Luckmore, a composed and dedicated massage therapist believes in love, the magic spark of true, old-fashioned love. She has to fall head over heels, or rather, heart over head.

However, her best friend Alice Heggarty, a spirited and successful magazine publisher, has always been a slave to lust though invariably it ends in tears. Turning 30, as yet another disastrous relationship ends, Alice makes a decision. It’s time to marry and she knows just the man who would make an excellent husband.

For Thea, a chance encounter on Primrose Hill ignites that elusive spark she’s preoccupied with… Saul Mundy promises to be the perfect fit and Thea finds herself falling deeply in love and loving it.

But though newly-wed Alice encourages Thea to settle down, Alice herself finds that she’s not as keen as she thought on playing by the rules. She starts to break them left, right and centre… At the same time, Thea’s world is shaken to core.

another book was "sex as a second language" by alisa kwitney.

Katherine Miner has decided to withdraw from the world of men at the ripe old age of forty. A former actress, Kat now teaches advanced English as a second language to adults in downtown Manhattan.

But even as Kat prepares her students to venture into the linguistic minefields of casual social contact, she has no intention of risking her own neck. In fact, Kat plans on retiring from sex. It’s not that she hates men. It’s just that she doesn’t trust them. After all, her soon-to-be ex-husband has dropped all contact with their nine-year-old son, and she herself hasn’t spoken to her father in more than thirty years.

Bit then Kat receives a letter from her father that turns her life upside down. And suddenly she is discovering that she still has a lot to learn about men, friendship and kind of nonverbal communication they don’t teach in school.

Alisa Kwitney’s darkly humorous novel affirms that forty is not the end of the world for women – sometimes, it’s just the beginning.

dua-dua buku pun best.. jemputlah baca :D

duit raya

bebaru ni kami kira duit raya adam. bila tengok dalam balang tu, cam sikit je nampak.. tapi bila dah kira... boleh tahan jugak duit raya budak ni. this year yg adam dah paham duit raya tu apa. sebelum ni, dia buat tak reti je. agaknya dah start bergaul dengan kawan-kawan. so macam dah tau apa menda duit raya ni. kalo tahun-tahun lepas, dapat duit raya dia main lepas aje ntah mana2. kekadang siap pulangkan balik. heheheh.. tahun ni dah pandai. bila org bagi duit raya, "mama.. nah! simpan". bila sampai umah, "mama.. mana duit raya saya?"

adam memula excited bukak sampul duit raya. after a while, dia malas nak bukak sampul yg ada gam. sudahnya, dia kasik kat ayah, suh ayah yg buatkan so that dia boleh tengok tv. mama tukang kumpul duit sepuluh2. cashier la katakan..

dulu-dulu, kalo berjalan beraya, memang dah tak hengat dunia dah. sebab asyik sangat berjalan ngan kawan-kawan. pagi-pagi dah kuar; kang lewat petang baru jalan. kaki terpeleot ke, kaki melecet ke, tak denya nak hirau. jalan tetap jalan.

over the years, trend berjalan raya dah berubah. bertambahnya hi-way, lagi susah org nak jalan beraya. we try to make the effort to jalan-jalan umah makcik-pakcik - at least. umah kawan-kawan, kalo dah dalam kawasan yg sama atau dah kebetulan lalu, singgah jugak. tapi the suasana is very the different. kalo dulu, org main redah aje. tak payah nak call dulu. tapi skang ni, kena call, kena confirm, kena bagitau baper org nak datang, kena inform kul baper nak sampai. agaknya org dah tak pandang hari raya as hari kita sanak saudara, sahabat handai menziarah satu sama lain. agaknya derang rasa kalo tak de makanan kat umah, janganlah ada org datang.. i believe not all yg datang menziarah tu nak makan sangat. ada makanan, alhamdulillah - rezeki. kalo takde, biskut raya pun jadiklah.. shouldn't it be that way?

kumpul duit raya dulu ngan skang lain. dulu kalo saya dapat duit raya, sama ada sempat masuk bank sekejap atau pun semuanya selamat jadik duit raya kedai leman. kehkehkeh.. sangat tak berjimat cermat mama adam ni. dulu kalo nak kumpul duit raya, kena rajin berjalan. gi umah jiran-jiran, cikgu-cikgu, kawan-kawan, sedara mara. skang.. selagi tak dijemput open house, takdelah sampainya... duklah beraya kat umah mengadap tv. sangat lain suasana raya dulu ngan skang. sebab tu skang, kalo berlaga bahu pun tak kenal sedara mara. anak jiran sendiri pun dah tak kenal dah. selalunya anak jiran taman lain yg datang mintak duit raya. and honestly, i feel sangat gembira kalo ada budak2 datang umah. ala-ala pembawa rezeki gitu...

back to duit raya adam; dalam-dalam banyak duit singgit dalam kebanyakan sampul, cecah rm1k jugak duit raya budak nih. alhamdulillah.. dah masuk ptptn dengan tabung haji semuanya. mintak-mintak esok2 Allah permudahkan segala urusan financial adam. amin...

baby

baby dalam perut ni asik wiggles aje.. tak saba nak kuar ye nak?

barang baby tak beli lagi. tak pelah.. first of all, kena settlekan barang abg dia dulu. bilik adam kena prepare so that he wants to sleep in his own room. mama ngan ayah dah mati akal nak hias bilik adam macam mana. it took us more than a month to decide on baby's playpen and itu pun belum beli lagi.. hehehe

adam wants a double decker bed. and the one he wants is the reversible bed in ikea that would cost us rm749 for the frame ONLY! mattress dengan canopy atas tu tak termasuk lagi. cadar dengan bantal pun tak termasuk. ayah kata ok. but mama had been thinking. for that kind of price, lebih baiknya mama beli almari sekali.

another reason that stopped me from buying adam's dream bed was, from time to time, we may be getting guest coming to sleepover - ma or kak sah at least. since dika is sleeping in the middle room with the sofa bed, kang kalo ma ngan kak sah tido sini, kat mana pulak nak diletakkan? kot iye beli reversible bed tu pun, mana gaya pulak tokma nak panjat katil adam. practicality kena ada la kan? dahlah umah ciput aje. :D

baju baby pun belum beli lagi. nak beli pun tak sure yg macam mana. nak bajet baby besar mana pun tak reti. lupa dah macam mana we bought things for adam last time. tapi skang ni, dah banyak kedai nak membeli. kot-kot ada emergency, wangsa maju ni kedai berlambak. boleh suh made gi beli aje. antara berkenan dengan tidak ajelah taste ayah ni. hahahaha..

we have finally decided on dr. alex in gleneagles. punyalah melompat dari satu gynae ke satu gynae and satu hospital ke satu hospital. ntah apa la yg susah sangat nak decide. betul la kata dr. alex.. "the more your think about it, the more you hear on things, the more you feel the nervousness". oleh itu, pasrah ajelah. ntah-ntah nanti beranak kat HKL jugak. :P

we are streaming down names for baby. tak leh nak decide lagi. nak yang sedap, makna mengarut. letak tak sedap karang, nanti anak pulak segan carry nama dia. susah-susah, kang letak jeton aje karang... adam pun dah banyak kasik idea ni. kejap vanilla, kejap fish. suka-suka hati dia ajelah. dia pun dah excited baby nak kuar ni. asik "cepatlah baby.... kuarlah". hehehe...

mintak-mintak semuanya selamat & dilindungi Allah sentiasa..

amin