buddies

at this age; today, a friend told me that she felt lost in her life. she's indecisive. she's unable to determine what's best has she given, what's worst has she done. she's eager to elaborate her talents and her desires, but she remains silent when asked on her future. she's neither happy on her monetary ground nor her work environment. she's blessed with kids & loving husband. she's my best buddy. to which i told that life will treat her fine, that i'd help her as much as i could and that i told to hang on tough...

at this age; today, a friend told me that she wants to be alone and far from her husband. she knows what she wants but she's afraid of her own strength. she wants to be loved and she's lovable. she's nice but was not treated fairly. she's blessed with lovely kids and surrounded by highly-supportive friends. she's also my best buddy. to which i told to stand firm on the ground and go through the obstacles with her own strength. and to which i promise that i'd stand tall behind her...

at this age; today, some friends told me that they are not happy about their working life. increments are not given, bonuses are not granted. they are asked to assist elsewhere and not given proper benefits. they are bound with terms and conditions and they want to move ahead. they are lovely friends who would be a group of bitches when the target is right and also a team of angels in a split second. they are all my buddies. to which i offer some experiences in working life and some "uh", "ah", "oh", "stoopid" and "idiot".

at this age; today, i look at my friends and realize that they are all i want. they are all i have. i'm happy for what i have. i am thankful for what i have been given. their shoulders carry all the burden and my shoulder is only for them to cry on. my eyes are only to see how they could smile nicely but deep inside they are crying out loud. their minds are thinking hard on how to keep life going especially for their little treasures. my ears are hearing the cheering laugh and some sighs in some statements. i said i understand but i am not able to exactly feel my own understanding. i said i want to help but my assistance somehow with boundaries. i said i would be there for them but in reality, it's more than me that they need.

i'm neither a good buddy.

here i am, before this pc. with my hands typing letters and phrases on my friends. thinking of what they have told me. thinking of what i have been telling them. thinking of what future could offer and what past has put on ground.

and i felt............ empty.

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