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tuesday, 22 april 2008

i was in maybank bandar baru ampang. bapak's hp no appeared on my mobile phone. it was along. at first i thought of nothing wrong until i sensed something was not right because along was asking sort of stupid questions. and i had a feeling that he was trying to figure out how to inform me a news.

"moto bapak hilang, ada org curi subuh tadi. mak nak kuar gi keje, tengok moto takde"

i was stunned. bapak had just recently bought that bike with his allowance & winning money from paralympic games.

i went to bapak's place that night. bapak was in sorrow. whilst listening to the au5's CSI's report, bapak was resting in front of tv. then he sat, looking at me.

i could feel his despair

i could feel his lost

i could feel his sadness

i could feel his anger

i could feel his hope

he did'nt say much. but his eyes said it all..

while i was in maybank this morning, i could not even curse the thieves. i could only think, "hari ni ko bersuka ria la angkut moto bapak aku, akhirat besok berdukalara la angkut dosa2 ko". but upon looking at bapak, i wish i could do more for him.

"tak pelah bapak... kita redha saja. one day, ada rezeki lebih, i'll buy u a new moto - insya Allah"

thursday, 24 april 2008

i have just came back from maknek's place, fetching adam & ammar. then i saw this pakcik misai-ganteng, delivering flyers from house to house. i stopped infront of makcik pah's gate giving way for him to deliver the flyers.

he didn't stopped at kak shida's house. auik? my instant thought was maybe because kak shida is only renting that house. so perhaps there's no reason to distribute the flyer to her house.

but then he skipped my house too. auik? apa kes nih? i starred at him. he did'nt do anything. and delivered the flyer into makcik pah's post box. and to my other neighbours?

that was NOT right!

what make me different from my other neighbours?

first of all, i do not RENT this house. myself and made OWN this house. wanna see the s&p agreement? kami penduduk tetap kawasan ini ok!

yes, we are not the original penduduk of this kawasan, but neither do the mat despatch, pakcik misai-ganteng. he bought the house from pakcik matsom. how do i know that fact? because that house belongs to a friend of mine. and his father, pakcik matsom, has moved to bangi.

yes, made & i not a frequent "visitor" to the surau nearby. not because we suka2 tanak pegi. but we have time constraint and we are woking and we still have errands to run after working hours (these are called alasan ye kawan2). but we have made effort to join the community. we attended the ceramah (which was not informed to us like others. we figured it out thru a banner). made will occasionally perform his solat fardhu in the surau. we invited our neighbours for some makan2 when we have any.

i voted pas for the recent election and saari sungib has won.

so what make us different? why should we be pulled out from the list?

itu hari suruh sangat kami bergiat dalam aktiviti kemasyarakan & surau. tapi kalo tidak diinformkan, macam mananya kami nak tau?

cuba jawab pakcik2, makcik2 ajk BAKAU?

thursday, 25 april 2008

i was in maknek's place wanting to fetch adam & ammar. adam was sleeping, not very to my surprise, with puting. it was not my first time caught adam with puting whilst he's sleeping. not my very first time, i pulled it out and told adam off about this habit. but this time around, i had to put my foot down.

i told maknek that i was dissapointed with her. i told her that she was not helping me and made to get adam out of this habit.

i was harsh and my words were hard. i'm sorry..

i've been telling maknek about how we tried to pull adam out of his habit. i've been telling her how adam was coping with "no puting" environment. i've been telling stories to maknek how was it hard to adam and how he is now ok with the situation.

but whats the use of complimenting adam on all his effort at his own home when he's not achieving anything at maknek's house?

got what i mean?

i know... maknek has been helping me with adam since adam was 2 months old. i could never repay that contribution. but, if she really loves adam as much as i love adam, i just need her to support my moves to mould adam to be a better person. that's only it.

i hope she could understand. it's not that i'm controlling. well, maybe, perhaps, yes a bit. its just because adam is my only child. my only son. my only treasure. my life!

please understand.. i appreciate that...

adam danial, head to toe sponsored by mickey mouse

malu seh..

penah tak korang tegur org, tapi sembang punya sembang punya sembang punya sembang, tak alih-alih salah org? kehkehkehkeh.. malu kan??

meh nak kongsi cite ngan u all..

ada la satu hari tukan, i was in empire tower, city square. peh tu nampak la satu lady ni. sekali pandang macam kawan lama. so i pegilah tegur..

"heyyy...... zakiah kan?"

"eh.. bukan.."

mak datuk.. time tu rasa tebalnya muka... dahlah time nak tegur tu senyum sampai ke telinga. muka excited giler. sekali salah org..

addddduuuuhhhhh.... malu! malu! malu!

tapikan.. tebal muka time tu tak terlawan my second incident. it happened in iskl. ye.. di tempat kejeku. time tu ada international fest. so ramailah orgnya. ntah kenapanya hari tu i pun sangatlah peramah tamah makmahnya

we were heading to our car. sambil tu mata i meliar tengok keliling. spot this one car. this one lady, she looked exactly like my aunty who stayed in bukit indah. my thought, "oh.. mak long pun ada". so i lambai-lambai. kindda excited looking at her. and she came towards me. at that point, i looked at the driver. ah sudah! takde rupa my uncle langsung. time tu dah rasa nak panjat bumbung iskl.. tapi sebab that lady dah jalan towards me, buat menten jelah..

"hai...... have we met?" she said

ha ko.. rasa nak pitam time tu jugak.. apelah nasib ni.. salah org pulak ha.. walaubagaimanapun, i pity that lady. she tried hard to recall where we met. padahal tak penahlah berjumpanya. nasib baik anak2 dia kat elementary school. kalo kat middle/high school memang i pakai jubah tutup muka gi keje. malu giler!!

and baru kejap ni terjadi lagi satu insiden. we went out for dinner. i wanted to order this tahu bakar. so i pusing belakang, i nampak this guy. memang meja tu selalunya tempat budak tahu bakar tu duduk. dengan rasa terujakan tahu bakar tu, i pun orderlah kat dia. apa lagi.. both dia dengan awek dia cengang-cengang. aduhai.. salah orang pulak dah... malu lagi.. nasib baik lepas insiden, budak tu blah. kalo tak, mau terbakar je rasa duk kat situ.

moral of the story, pegilah buat pemeriksaan mata selalu. kehkehkehkehkeh

"maskot malu-malu konon"

i'm 30

aris's passing has given quite a deep impact on me. it has made me realize how short & valuable life is. and how Allah has given me chance to rebuild & reconstruct my inner-strength and faith.

alhamdulillah..

my gratitude goes to all my good & best friends ever in my life. one best friend since i was a 6 years old kid said this to me the other day "na.. if a newborn will cause you your life, please forget about it and dont make me regret". this was then concurred by another good friend. i'm touched whole-heartedly.

thank you..

reality, i wish i could just chew what the doc has said and spit it out. the obstacles are to hard. just when i thought i could sleep with the fact that newborn is a life vs death situation for me, i was awoken with another news.

"well.. from the test we had, you have two fibroids. one is 2.75cm and harmless. and the other one is 2cm but it's approaching your uterus line. this might be the reason why you're having the pain and it's pretty dangerous for pregnancy. but not to worry.. i've had cases worst than this".

"but i dont have 2 fibroids. i have only one which i had since i was a bachelor. and it dissapeared during my pregnancy. how can you say there is two when there is only one, 2 months ago?"

"well, lets monitor it for the next 2 months. if you're still having pain, perhaps operation is the best. however, the good news is, you're out of cancer"

"are you sure?"

"only the One above can decide that. as from my view, you are 95% free of cancer"

half sweet, half bitter!

went home, called mak, asked for 2nd opinion. and i had another not-so-interesting-info-for-my-listening..

"aren't fibroids some kind of cancer?"

completely bitter!

it has been a week since i got the news. trying hard not to think about it. some said fibroid is genetic. could be true. mak had it. but as for now, i'm living with it...

"yang.. do you want another baby?"
"i dont mind.. after all, you ARE my baby"

notakaki: the title acts as a reminder that i'm counting days for my birthday, my dear friends :P