*silent*

a good fren of mine: ko tak terasa that somebody might terasa hati with what u wrote?
me: *silent*

~o~

DAMN.. adohai.. betul jugak tu.. i might... but on second thought kan.. mmm.. it's my blog. kan? so i think i can express whatever i wanna say la kan?

actually, being a blogger was the last thing i wanna be. i have a number of friends yg dah ada log. still i tak terasa nak buat blog. but then, i think i need more private time and space for me, myself. so here i am, with my blog..

there are times that i wanna be more than being heard. i wanna be listened. and i wanna 2-ways-communication. i wish to be commented on what i did. it's just now that i dun have that "environment" anymore. i still have my best buddies as my shoulder to cry on. but i think, they have lesser time for me compared to the time that they used to "rent" their ears for me. yelah.. masing² dah ada committment. masing² dah berdua, tiga. dah berganda². masing² ada jiwa kaco masing². i have to let them free with their own path..

i know i still have my childish thingy in my day-to-day way of thinking. tak taulah i terbawak² dari opis lama ke.. memang pangai i ke.. ntahlah.. but i wanna change it. that's why, i guess, i need a companion to make the changes. i need somebody who disagree and talk to me. of courselah cakap baik². most of you know, kalo i tengah naik angin, better not to talk to me. hahhaha.. kalo tak, dengan korang² sekali melayang dibuai angin.

for this, i miss my best companion. he used to listen to me and give me komen² yg membina. he would tell me what's rite and what's wrong. but now? ntah.. it seems the link to the komen² membina dah ilang. he doesnt comment on any of my actions, nor my saying anymore. talking to him, it's like talking to oneself. macam ala² cakap ngan dinding pun ada.. i had the thinking.. mmm.. maybelah dia dok risau of his father yg tak berapa sihat. tapi tak delah pulak nampak gayanyer. or maybe dia banyak keje. tak delah jugak. so i'm in puzzle. why cant he be the person that he used to be? i miss those moments. i miss the time when i membebel cam tak hengat, and he sat there silently & listened. then after, he will call me back to give some good advice on what i should do and commented on what i have done wrong. i hope i'd have him back.. for good.. for now.. forever..

back to my friend's Q. now i have the answer.. "nah.. i dun think she or he will sakit hati. i'm here just typing out my inner feeling. how i felt. how i dont wanna this feeling. i wanna the "silent killer" out of me. i have to spit it out. i diam², i yg rasa sakit hati. kang lunyai pulak ikan kembong kat dapoq tu.." ahaks.. so the simple ABC solution, this blog is my saying. this blog is my opion. this blog is how i felt. i wanna be "listened" thru my new liver - my blog.

for now, cucuuwan hopes nobody sakit hati. Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri (aidilfikri for akut).. hikhikhik... maaf zahir dan batin.. 0-0 till next year..