alesya is 40 days :D

THE PLAN:

1. 9 - 945am: alesya to meet up with ISKL folks & send in the florist's bill to shanthi
2. 10am: appointment with my gynae, doc alex
3. 1030am: alesya's appointment with doc adrian. she's due for her first hepatitis B jab
4. anytime after alesya's appointment: lunch @ great eastern mall
   
5. then to jalan TAR. to find souvenir for alesya's kenduri
6. then to plaza (or wisma?) GM to find paper bag for alesya's kenduri also
   

WHAT HAD HAPPENED?

bangun agak lambat. kul 8am terpisat² lagi sapu taik mata. malam tadi tido kul 1.30am. alesya pun tak lena tido malam tadi. madē kuar gi breakfast, saya check tupperware punya web. banyaknya order.... saba ye puan-puan. hari ni adalah hari saya & alesya :D

kul 9 baru nak mengarah adam mandi. masuk kereta pukul 9:51am. 9 minit boleh sampai gleneagles ke? boleh.. tapi terlebih sikitlah.. sebab dah lambat, trip ke ISKL terpaksa postponed.

reached doc alex's clinic about 10:05am. takdelah lambat sangat.. ramai pulak orang dekat klinik doc alex hari ni. 10:29am madē tanya nurse how many people ahead of us and if we should come back after alesya's appointment. "ada lagi satu patient, lepas tu lagi satu. lepas tu suhanna punya turn". ok. we waited. now it's 11am. we asked again if we should come back. the nurse said "lepas patient yang ni, patient yang tu nak buat pap smear. sekejap saja". so we waited, thinking that pap smear's procedure would be just a little while. i rang doc adrian's clinic informing them that we would be late. i had a feeling that my appointment would be delayed for another while after seeing a warded patient came in. she was there since 10:30am when i asked madē to enquire about my appointment for the first time. true enough... when it was my turn, one of the nurses came to me and ask "do you think she can go in first?" pointing to the warded patient. wah!!! terbakar hati. "you should've told me earlier. i've asked few times. i have another appointment with the pediatrician at 10:30am". and we went off.

at the pediatrician's clinic, biasalah.. hectic dengan budak². leka tengok derang main. tetiba je nama alesya dah kena panggil. when people pronounce alesya as "e-li-sya", it sounded strange and orang putih la... kan? hehehe.. alesya nangis sikit je. peh pujuk² she was ok. wonderful! then we asked doc adrian if he can sunatkan alesya. dia recommended doc zuraidah. another doc yang handle urusan persunatan bebudak. after the consultation we went to visit doc zuraidah. luckily dia ada morning session today. memula bila madē tanya, nurse dia kata cost would be RM500. nak pengsan dengar. mahalnyaaaaa... bila dah settled, RM213.00 was charged. bolehlah.... again, alesya tak nangis sangat. mama yang nak menitis air mata bila pegang alesya for the doc to do the procedure.

oh! lupa nak citer.. kat doc alex's clinic, alesya muntah lepas minum susu. selambak susu atas baju dia. masam baju anak mama. dekat doc zuraidah's clinic pulak, alesya terkencing masa bukak diaper. selamat baju dengan swaddle dia.

so plan sudah bertukar. either pegi GE mall dulu; beli baju alesya then lunch then send adam for painting class then to ISKL OR ISKL dulu then GE mall.

sudahnya? we went to ISKL. plan nak duk 10 minit; jadik sengah jam. konon nak gi GE mall, tak alih sampai ke aeon sebab adam nak makan sushi. plan nak plaza GM? terbengkalai. hehehe.. lepas makan kat sushi king, pegi carik baju alesya. this is the second time beli baju untuk alesya sebab alesya dapat banyak baju from fellow friends & relatives. jadik mama & ayah tak payah beli baju. dah ganti baju, pegi beli groceries then pegi minum lepas lelah seharian. lepak tengok budak² main air dekat tengah² aeon tu, then balik.

adoi.. letihnya kaki.... salah kaki ke salah kasut? kasut due for a new one? hahahaha.....

banyaknya berbelanja off late ni. ish.. tak bolehlah.. impulsive shoppings. macam mana nak beli keta baru nanti? aisehhhh.... say NO to shopping. say YES to saving.

tapi kasut dah tak best pakai. sian tumit saya.. macam mana eh? kehkehkeh...

bershopping barang alesya

9hb itu hari genap umur alesya sebulan. yey!

we didn't intend to go out pun at first. tapi sebab kena tukar tiket flight untuk pembantu, jadiknya kuarlah juga. ececece... alasan!

plan nak kuar awal, tapi pakcik yatim depan ni buat kenduri doa selamat. so tukar plan ke lepas zohor. lepas zohor pun, gung-gang-gung-gang.. pukul 3 jugak baru kuar umah. first spot, kl sentral. ya tuhan.. ramainya orang. kat air asia punya kaunter lagi best. time kami amik nombor giliran, org yang ke 1393 sedang di kaunter. nombor kami? 1473. memula rasa macam frust aje. tapi bila perasan yang running number tu agak laju, kami tunggulah. lepak kejap kat mekdi. lepas tu berjalan2. sebab mekdi tu macam ramai orang aje. nak duduk lama2 pun tak selesa. alhamdulillah - processing period dekat air asia tu tak lama. tak sampai 15 minit pun. efficient sungguh.

from kl sentral, we moved to BSC. our main place of interest is mothercare and madē tanak pegi tempat yang ramai orang. peh tu tengok kat website pun, dekat BSC adalah mother segala mothercares. ya rabbi... memang pon! giler besar. variety choices. basketball mata ini dibuatnya. barang yang nak dibeli hanyalah baby carrier. tapi sudahnya beli sekali bouncing cradle, bottle brush dengan kipas kecik. automatic dapat VIP card. nasib baik tak beli nursing chair sekali. hahaha.. sedap giler kerusinya. madē kata "macam kosi tok ayah aje. cuma takde pads". hehehe.. memang sangat! hajat nak beli jugaklah kosi tu. tak guna untuk nursing, boleh guna untuk tengok tv or baca buku cite. hai... kalo dah nak tu, nak jugak. ada aje alasan untuk membeli :P

baby carrier tu memang kami nak pakai in the nearest future. sebelum alesya muat masuk stroller, so better pakai carrier sajalah. cradle tu sebab pembantu balik bercuti (ke?) jadik, nak biar alesya senang tido dalam cradle tu. takdelah nak harap berdodoi aje. kang satu keje umah tak berjalan pulak. nak rush masak untuk abg adam & madē by 11.30am. kang dok melayan alesya, kesian pulak madē kena berkejar² amik adam peh tu nak lunch peh tu nak balik office.

sepanjang kat situ, adam leka dekat ELC area. tau apa dia main? dapur. memula dia main dinasours. peh tu melekat sampai sudah dekat dapur tu. i asked him, "adam, don't you think this toy is for girls?" he answered "no mama... this is also for boys. look at the picture". gamba kat kotak tu ada la gamba budak laki dengan budak pompuan main sama². sukati la adam...

time keluar dari umah tu, saya pakaikan alesya romper dengan legging aje. tak sangka nak berlama kat mothercare tu. alesya dah kesejukan. rembat satu baju sejuk. balik umah, madē tanya"berapa ringgit baju alesya ni?". saya menjawab, "rm104. tapi jangan risau... i amik size 6-9 months". kehkehkeh.. yelah.. sweater bukannya pakai selalu. tau-tau nanti the next time she needs it, baju tu dah ngam² dengan dia. again, alasan! hahaha..

peh tu konon nak makan kat chillies. waiting list panjang sangat. so we moved to dome. in between kena tukar pampers alesya, tapi kat BSC takde nursing room. tak best lah. kesian alesya kena tukar pampers atas kerusi dalam ladies toilet aje. kot² ada sesapa yang keje BSC yang baca posting ni, sila la buat proposal pada management suh buat nursing room ye.. tima kasih :D

sangat seronok berjalan dengan alesya. tidur aje. agaknya dalam keadaan air-conditioned. tidur pun lena. tunggu la besar sket lagi... jenuhlah nak berkejar. itu belum "mama, saya nak naik merry-go-round", "mama, saya nak beli itu", "mama, nak! nak! nak!".

adoih... lets enjoy the serenity before disaster comes. hahahaha..

timbang tara 101

nak teduh punya pasal..

day one

tanpa maid. adoiiiiiiii...... lotihnya den..

malam tadi tertidur lambat. takdelah "ter"nya sangat. hehehe.. pagi ni rasa malas sangat nak bangun. tapi bangun jugak sebab fikirkan nak bersiap sebelum bersilat dengan alesya pagi ni. lepas mandi, startlah basuh pinggan. lepas tu start the washing machine dan rendam baju alesya. then adam pergi sekolah. dah babai, start balik kerja rumah. basuh baju alesya. kemas toys adam. jenguk alesya, tengok dah bergerak-gerak. tanda nak bangun dah tu. buatkan air mandi dia. tengah jerang air atas api, dia dah merengek. angkat dulu. bila dah angkat, air pulak masak. tengah tutup api air, madē pulak called. mintak gosokkan baju sekolah adam yang lain. katanya adam muntah kat sekolah. tanya kenapa, dia kata adam nangis.

adoiiiiii.....

bagi alesya minum susu dulu sambil tunggu adam & madē balik. bila tanya adam kenapa nangis, dia kata dia nervous.

"saya takut saya buat salah. nanti teacher veni marah".
"adam ada buat salah ke?"
"tak ada"
"dah tu.. kenapa takut?"
"sebab saya muntah"
"adam muntah sebab adam nangis. janganlah macam tu.. kalau adam buat salah, memanglah teacher marah. kalau adam tak buat salah, kenapa teacher nak marah adam pulak?"
"tak tau..."

tengok muka madē dah ada sikit air asam campur cuka. tunggu ikan bakar je nak buat cicah..

"u dah called office kata lambat?"
"belum"
"tak pelah.. i hantar adam gi sekolah. nanti i tunggu sampai dia habis. alesya pun dah susu. tak lapar sangat kot. by the time adam balik, just nice for her feeding"

berseri sikit muka madē. dia tak tau bini dia tengah bengong² macam mana nak bawak baby. bawak kereta lagi. nak layan perasaan anak bujang sorang lagi.

adoiiiii....

sampai sekolah, adam was all ok. even dalam kereta siap cakap "mama.. i'm excited nak bawak alesya pergi sekolah saya. are you excited mama?". "i am excited. but you cannot do this all the time. adam tak sayang ayah ke? ayah lambat pergi kerja. nanti teacher ayah marah macam mana?" i said.

segan aje being the only parent at the school. adam ni pun.. nak buat perangai agak-agaklah sikit. minggu kedua, tahun kedua sekolah baru nak buat perangai. kalau tak, ok aje. kenapalah agaknya... pasal alesya ke? tak pulak rasanya. sayang sangat dia kat adik dia. nak bermanja dengan ayah ngan mama ke? kalau nak manja macam ni, kena pang aje karang budak ni. ish.. tak taulah kenapa. nak kata teacher veni tu garang sangat, takdelah pulak. nampak okay aje. tapi dia pun kata, "dah masuk KG3 ni, teacher kena garang sikit. sebab nanti dia nak pergi primary one dah tak boleh nak mengada-ngada". betul jugak kata teacher tu..

awal tadi plan nak buat sup ayam dengan nasik. balik tadi, tak sempatlah nak masak. minum air seteguk pun tidak sepagi ni. mekdonel ajelah jawabnya. makan quarter of quarter pounder dah kekenyangan. dah masuk angin gamaknya perut ni. malam ni ajelah masak ayam tu.. itu pun kot rajin. :D

kasihan alesya. i was not prepared for this emergency. so alesya, sekali lagi pakai romper but this time no legging. kasihan anak aku - kesejukan. nasib baik teacher veni pinjamkan shawl dia. itu pun susu takde, alesya minum air kosong aje. sampai tido minum air kosong.

aduhai..

ada cradle ni pun bagus jugak. dah tertidur dah anak kesayangan & anak manja mama kat depan. nak buat kerja rumah ke nak join tidur?

mmmmm......

maid in surabaya

nope! it's not jennifer lopez's new movie :P my maid has returned to her hometown this morning. only she can decide if it's for good or for a little while..

earlier, she had requested to be sent home for good and we have mutually agreed and bought her ticket for a one way trip on 16th january. somehow, i changed my mind and did some reconciliations. mainly after:

1) i looked at madē when we were discussing on how to move things forward and then i realized that i'm giving him another "little" trouble. no, he was not complaining. he's not that type of person. but when he said "it's ideal if i got another job, u stay with your job and we could get kak liza in to take care of these two kids". i realized, he just wants me to be happy and he wants to improve things as much as he can. along the lines, i also realized that i'm happy to stay with my job though i feel like quitting so that i could take care of my kids. it's best if madē could get a better job but with the current economic situation, i dont feel it's a good idea. he has a good platform, but i'm a little skeptical about him moving around at the moment. and putting kak liza in the pic is brilliant, but it means little money to save :(

2) i had my eyes on alesya the very next morning after my discussion with madē, and thought... "kesian anak mama.. ada tadika boleh jaga abg, tak leh jaga adik. and vice versa. ada tadika boleh jaga dua-dua tapi nanti berlainan tempat." i wished, i hoped, i wanted to quit my job there and then... but if i were to consider a comfortable ground for my two kids, i can't leave now. not at least with shanthi around. if shanthi consider retiring soon, i might be following her footsteps.

3) i had the thinking.. i cant rewind the past. i can wish but i cant expect things to be perfectly done as what i have requested. so i thought, why dont i give the maid another try? after all; no tries, no errors. and to find a very suitable maid is very unlikely. you'd never know who'd be on your doormats. and if i ain't giving her any exposures, how could she learn and have new experience? dont you think so?

hence, i'm keeping my maid and keeping my finger crossed for future. insya Allah.. nothing goes wrong. i've told my maid about my expectations. she's right when she said she doesn't have much to do in my house as some of the house works, myself and madē would rather do it ourselves. thus she'll be staying with my mother for the weekends. what my parents wants her to do during the weekend, it's up to them. as long as my maid is happy and agreeing to the arrangements, it's fine with me. most important is that we could have the weekends for ourselves. madē, myself, adam & alesya :D

the arrangement started yesterday and she got her new watch for helping my mom at her new house. she proudly showed me the watch. on the other hands, the four of us got to spend some valuable time in mothercare bangsar. lucky we were not some big shot. or else, we might have bought the whole shop! yikes!! she's happy i'm happy.

all of us will be waiting "the call" from her. whether she's giving us the bad or good news, we would accept it with open mind. of course we'd hope for her to return, but if that's against her mom & dad's saying, i hope we could find the best solutions.

insya-Allah.. every skies has it silver lining... :D

2010

nak masuk tahun baru lagi. wah.. tahun 2009 rasa berlalu cepat sangat. mungkinkah tahun ni banyak sangat keje? eleh.. banyak sangatlah kejeeeeeeee.... mengadap facebook aje, banyak keje konon.. porah!

nak look forward apa eh tahun 2010 ni?

1) kurangkan shopping. banyakkan handbag. eh? hahahah.. lama la tak shopping handbag. sejak tak keje kat/berdekatan shopping mall ni, barangan impulsive shopping pun dah berkurangan. credit card pun dah tak sampai maximum limit. asik membayar aje. ceh! setahun membayar credit card. rugi! rugi! tapinya, syukur... hutang dah kurang. kot2 ajal sampai tak lama lagi, takdelah laki aku sibuk nak bayar utang aku je nanti. kehkehkeh..

ps: semalam cimb baru increase-kan credit limit. apakah maknanya itu? muakakaka...

2) banyakkan amal ibadat. takdelah kata tahun ni tak buat amal ibadat ye tuan-tuan dan puan-puan. tapi nak diperbanyakkanlah.. senaman riadah di sejadah tu kena ditingkatkan. timing tu kena jaga. takleh la asik lari aje. ni nak masuk asar, baru nak terkedek-kedek solat zohor. syaitan sungguh!

3) tambahkan masa dengan anak-anak dan keluarga. cewahhh.. anak-anak.. kehkehkeh.. alesya dah ada ni, takut adam rasa tertinggal pulak. sian anak bujang saya sorang ni karang. semalam dia nak ikut lelen balik umah atok pun menangis sebab takut rindukan mama. dah balik pun nangis sambil peluk kaki mama. time kat umah atok main macam tak hengat donia pulak. eleh.. politik! alesya pun baby lagi. nak ligan main puas2 ngan dia. nak main masak2 tak syok lagi. main mekap2 lah.. mama mekapkan ko ye nak?

4) akankah hajat beli keta baru akan tercapai? mmmmm.. kita tunggu aje besok. ala... besokkan dah setat tahun depan. hehehe.. nak beli keta apa eh? spesifikasinya, keta belakang besar yg boleh muat dua org budak dengan car seats masing2. bagasi untuk balik kampung. barang2 bebudak ni. stroller. yang paling penting, barang2 tupperware. kehkehkeh..

5) nak memajukan business tupperwareku ini. sila lah ke blog tupperware baruku. dah upgrade sket. nak perasan cantik, memang rasa cantik sikit dari sebelumnya. hehehehe.. tapi skang ni dah ada few more options as i'm in the move of expanding the business. untuk men-support life setelah retire-lah katakan. ecewah! memintak majulah business ni. tak sabar nak duk umah jaga anak-anak.

6) nak eksesais. berat dah kembali kepada sebelum preggy. cincin tahun 2002 pun dah boleh muat kembali. wahhh.. rasa macam nak jadik model slimworld aje. kena setat jaga la makan minum semua ni. rasa macam tak sihat aje. makan main belasah. minum manis2 semua. ish.. tak bolehlah.. banyak lagi dosa tak terhapus ni.

adam semalam dah gundah gulana nak balik ke sekolah. adoi! tak nak teacher veni katanya. nak teacher shanthi jugak. macam mana nak buat? ayah will be having a hard time rasanya minggu depan ni. saba ajelah ayah. nak disuruh sapa pulak amik adam kul 11.30 nanti ni.. mama tak cukup sebulan lagi. kalo tak, mama dah redah aje bawak keta ngan alesya.

sapa-sapa yang bercita-cita nak kawin 10-10-2010 ke 20-10-2010 ke, agak2lah sikit ye. bawak2lah berbincang satu taman sebelum kawin. kang 10 org kawin tarikh yang sama, boncet perut i nak makan nasik minyak you all. kot jalan jem kerana 10-10-10, memang sajalah korang tau...

moga-moga 2010 bawa sinar baru, harapan baru, karpet baru, handbag baru, kasut baru, baju size baru. hahahahaha..

selamat tahun baru!

closure

i have a friend. a friend that i knew when i was in itm. a friend that has gone through my ups and downs and shared my tears and laughter for five years. a friend that was not destined to be my husband.

fate is something that Allah has lovely sketched for me. memory is something that though i try hard to dismiss and forget, it just comes along and colours my life. i've tried to run and hide but yet the "baggage" is still with me.

he, had many times said i love you & i'd care for you
he, had many times said i miss you & i'd never forget you
he, had once said i'll never forgive you, so please go and never come back
he, had once said don't ever contact me neither my family

for so many years, i have lived with "i won't disturb & interrupt your life". i have been living with questions on "how's your life treating you?". i have no clues, i have no directions and i have no answers to my questions; until recently..

i saw him there, but i did not make any attempts. i have agreed not to interfere, i'm adhering to it. yet it was so heartbroken when he made some contacts to my close circle but refused to at least ask how am i doing. i dont wish to hope, but i had hoped..

to forgive is divine and i understand to forget is hard; but life goes on. i had had hard time letting my first love go, but i had my closure. he was here, for my wedding. i was there, for his wedding. and we are still friends..

for him, who was once the king of my heart, i want you to know.. as much as what had happened has hurt you badly, i was also heart broken. i believe you have a better life and lead a happy family. i'm happy for you. please be happy for me too..

and dear, our love story is just another chapter in our life. cherish it and move on...

again, please forgive me and have a closure...

our maid

she decided to resign yesterday. i cried uncontrollably in my room, thinking about my two kids.

made and i have decided on what we are going to do without the maid and how to move things forward.

"lepas ni senang sikit nak jalan2 dalam umah pakai sepender" said made
"a'ah.. nak marah u pun tak payah simpan2 sora. boleh jerit aje" anne said

kehkehkeh...

insya-Allah, we really hope that everything goes smoothly and may force be with us.

alesya kamilah

alhamdulillah..

alesya kamilah was born on 9th december 2009 at 8:44am with a helping hand of dr. alex mathews in gleneagles intan medical centre, kl. weighing 2.94kg, syukur pada Yang Maha Esa, she's a healthy baby.

after 5 years adam was born, we decided to have another baby. it was a tough decision. at this point of time, i still can't tell what made us decided on another baby. perhaps adam's influence?

i had a miscarriage prior to alesya's engagement in my tummy. and carrying alesya was a little easier than adam's. not much of increase in weight as compared to adam. however, the first trimester was traumatic. i was in and off the office quite often and had to be bedridden for about 2 weeks. nausea and threw out for the whole 9 months. that was just like when i was carrying adam. not so much of craving for food, though. however, i fancied nasik lemak. when i was with adam, my craving would differ every other month. say this month rojak, the following month would be something else; burger perhaps. with alesya, i was a picky eater. i'll eat what i feel like eating. bad was, no chocolate and ice cream. i drank carbonated drinks like no one's business. coke was my BFF and made had to ask me to opt for kickapoo as it claimed not to have caffeine. there was a time when i asked made to get me a glass of A&W rootbear float. after a sip, i'm done. and the other day, i requested for a fried mamak mee at 11.30 pm. after two spoonful, i passed to made :D the only thing that made was a little reluctant to allow me to eat was sushi. well, he did bring me for dine-in during my 36 weeks. but i didn't enjoy it as much as i enjoyed it before.

since it was a planned c-sect, so i went in for admission on the 9th itself. "no need to waste money-lah" said dr. alex. according to the admissions clerk, room occupancy were high during december especially during middle of the week. i guess, most cases were planned c-sect like mine. thus, i had to opt for general surgical ward. my goodness... the first room they gave me was a double bed room. and the bed was EXACTLY facing the door. i could see anybody who walked in and out the nurses' counter and my kaki was literally tengah-tengah muka pintu. lucky me, i was granted a single room on the same floor at about 10pm. even the nursery's nurse felt safer to send alesya to my room. since it's a general surgical ward, double bed room's condition was not a good environment for alesya - fear of infections.

i was pushed into the OT at about 8am. it was a very family occasion whereby only myself, made & adam was there. adam cried and according to made, he was a little furious as i was still not into my room a couple of hours later. the surgery went well, but i had lost of blood and they had to do blood transfusion. my body reacted negatively towards the transfusions and they called it off once i was sent to my room. only then i was given pain killers and i started being cuckoo.

when i first had my eyes on alesya, i thanked Allah for this special gift. as we have missed the 20 weeks scanning, i was a little sceptical of how alesya would look like or would she be having any medical problem. alhamdulillah, everything was fine. and she was vanilla :D i had to admit that during my pregnancy i fancied dark@tanned people. syukur.... hehehehe..

why alesya kamilah? because it means protected by God; perfect.

insya Allah

expecting

"mama, are you going to explode tomorrow?"
"yes, sayang"
"i'm so nervous"

hehehe.. me too sayang.. mama feels the same.

please forgive me for any wrong doings & sayings. and please pray for both of us.

many-many thanks!

mengenang uwan

hari ini, 5 tahun lalu
mata ini merenung sekujur tubuh kaku
tangan yang suatu ketika tangkas menyedia hidangan
kaki yang pernah pantas mengejar waktu
badan yang dulunya tegap menggalas tanggungjawab

hari ini, 5 tahun lalu
mata ini mengalir air mata laju
mengenang kenangan 26 tahun yang lampau
mengimbas peristiwa suka dan duka
mempamer kejadian tawa dan lara

hari ini, 5 tahun lalu
hati ini gundah gulana
melayan perasaan antara "pergilah" dan "kembalilah"
mengimbang hati yang duka dan kosong
menyentap jiwa yang masih memerlukan dan menghendaki

hari ini, 5 tahun lalu
tangan ini memanjat doa ke hadrat Yang Esa
kaki ini mengalun langkah lemah mengiringi tubuh
hati ini berombak menahan sebak
mata ini bengkak melambai pergi

sesudah 5 tahun berlalu
hati ini masih sebak menahan gundah walau tidak ada jasadnya lagi
mata ini masih mengalir air mata walau tidak nampak tubuhnya lagi
tangan ini masih memanjat doa ampunkan dosanya walau tidak sedar akan masa yang pergi
kaki ini masih gagah menziarah kuburannya walau tanah dan nisan itu masih begitu rupanya

kita rindukan uwan
uwan tau kan?

dah lama uwan tak cium pipi kita
dah lama kita tak bau minyak yang uwan selalu pakai
dah lama kita tak pegi umah uwan
dah lama kita tak makan masakan uwan
dah lama kita tak gurau dengan uwan
dah lama kita tak dengar uwan sembang
dah lama kita tak gelak tengok uwan tetiba tido, tetiba menyampuk org cakap
dah lama kita tak bergosip dengan uwan
dah lama kita tak nampak uwan...

kita dah nak ada baby nombor 2, uwan
doktor kata, insya Allah baby girl
kalo betul, kita ada sepasang dah uwan
kalo uwan ada, mesti uwan yang jaga; macam uwan jaga adam
kalo uwan ada, mesti kita tak susah-susah pikir sapa nak jaga kita masa pantang
kalo uwan ada, mesti uwan dah sibuk pegi chowkit carikkan air periuk untuk kita, siap dengan cerek kecik sekali
kalo uwan ada, mesti uwan join kita minum macam itu hari
kalo uwan ada, mesti uwan yang masak untuk kita

mmmm...
kalo uwan ada, mesti kita tak rindu uwan macam ni....

uwan...
kita rindu uwan..
rindu yang sangat-sangat rindu
kita nak sangat peluk uwan
kita nak sangat duduk sembang ngan uwan
kita nak sangat cium uwan banyak-banyak
kita nak sangat uwan.. kita nak sangat....

5 tahun lepas, kita rasa tak puas kita cium uwan
tak puas rasa peluk uwan
tak puas rasa tengok uwan
hati kita memang lepaskan uwan pergi
tapi hati yang sama rasa tanak lepaskan uwan
Allah tu Maha adil kan uwan?
Dia nak hambaNya tabah menerima takdir
Dia nak hambaNya gagah dengan apa yang termaktub
demi masa depan kita juga

Ya Allah.. kuatkanlah hatiku..
tabahkanlah semangatku
aku redha dengan apa yang tersurat dan tersirat buatku

amin...

weekend plans

besok ada wedding - christian wedding. puas dah tanya org apakah etika christian wedding. jawapan sumer variety. adehhh.. the last time i attended a christian wedding, it was mary's wedding. and that was 8-9 years ago. time tu tak tau menda. org duduk, kita duduk. org berdiri, kita berdiri. ngikut je apa org buat. dah habis segala baru derang nak bagitau, "u tanak buat pun tak pe.. kita paham u're not a christian". cish! this time around tak tau apa nak expect. mungkin pegi lambat sikitlah. supaya senang adjourn ke lunch sahaja :D

next in line would be bringing adam for his swimming session. umak cik itam bakal menjadik mangsa. itu aje swimming pool yg free. nak jadik member KDE ntah bilanya. tak sure worth being a member ke tak.. main reason is for adam to enjoy the facilities especially the swimming pool since it's good for his asthmatic problem. then i was thinking, kalo nak buat makan2 ke apa ke, pun macam senang aje sebab dah ada membership. dekat jugak dengan opis. maknanya, anak boleh enjoy dekat kelab, mak boleh pegi keje. tak gitu?

ahad pulak ada 2 wedding invitations. satu kat klang, gate satu kat taman permata. nasib baik jauh sejengkal aje. kot jauh, tak kosa nak gi de.... demi nasik minyak, ku gagahkan juga. mintak2 ada ayam masak merah. amin...... itu hari makan ayam masak merah kat umah kak riri, sangatlah sedapnya. nak masak sendiri, mintak ampun mahap ajelah. sampai la masak sambal pun fel. macam mana eh.. nak kasik dia berminyak. dah tambah bawang. dah tambah air. cuma tak sanggup tambah minyak je. jap lagi bibir rasa macam anita sarawak. oh tidak!

adam dah setat cuti sekolah. apalah nak disuruh anak bujang ni buat eh? in 3 weeks time dia dah nak dapat adik dah. mmmm... excited abg adam. hari2 pun tanya "is it december yet?". adik kuar nanti, ko tak jaga, siap ko adam.. hehehehe.. 26th will be the last check up. i hope. peh tu tunggu masa nak deliver aje. date dah fixed. baju baby pun dah ada. barang baby pun dah ok. tunggu baby aje nih. ish.. berdebar2 pulaknya... nak memerut pun takut. takut terteran baby. mintak-mintaklah dipermudah segalanya. amin!

oh pembantu

hari ni my maid (and my son) kena marah. sebabnya, pintu bilik terkunci & she didn't inform me. yes.. it is so the remeh the temeh. but i was so geram. itu hari bila adam nangis sebab spongebob habis, boleh pulak dia kol. hari ni bila pintu kunci tak boleh kol pulak? kot kunci yg i ada tu tak leh guna untuk pintu bilik, guano cito? takkan nak panggil org pecah pintu? and when i asked her that question, her answer was "saya ingat cik ada kuncinya". aih.. main ingat2 aje.

fortunately, kunci umah yg i ada tu, boleh pakai untuk bilik. itupun when i mumbled, "nasib baik boleh bukak pakai kunci ni, kalo tak boleh tadi?". she replied, "saya udah cuba kunci saya, tapi tak boleh". dah ada aku nak kasik pulak kunci bilik aku kat enko? ala-la-la-la-la...

i asked her, why didn't she notify me? she said, "nanti adam takut dimarahi". wahh.. jawapan itu sangat membuatkan saya berang. i told her "ini anak saya. saya mama dia. saya tahu macam mana saya nak didik anak saya. kalau dia buat salah, kalau dia patut kena marah, dia akan kena marah. kenapa kamu nak selindung dia?". she cried..

an incident happened much earlier whereby adam was playing in her room and the whole langsir with the pemidai @ penggantung (ke apa nama dia??) jatuh. she didn't tell me. i was watching tv, suddenly benda tu jatuh dari its hiding place. adam immediately cried even before i scolded him. and still she didn't tell me what happened but only informed that adam was playing in her room and the thing fell down.

so today i told her.. no matter what happens, whether or not it is adam's fault, her fault or anybody's fault; she has to tell me. i would then justify untuk marah or not to marah. i told her that she's my trustee that has the responsibility to look over my kid and kids soon. but if she can't even bother to tell me such thing like this, how am i suppose to put my trust on her when she has my baby with her? and worst still, baby can't talk. baby can only cry. and this made she cried some more..

i have to express my frustation. i didn't mean to scold her. i didn't mean to make her cry. i wouldn't want that situation if i were to be her as well. i understand her intention was good. she's taking a good care of adam. but she has to tell me. she has to keep me informed.

another thing that i highlighted was on groceries. i've already told her that she needs to tell me if beras habis; sayur dah takde; sos dah tinggal sikit; sabun basuh kain dah tak cukup. because we have to think about unplanned occasion that might take place. i might invite friends and family for lunch or dinner. what would happen if i dont have enough things in my dapur and tetamu are already on their way? how to basuh baju if sabun dah habis? i told her that i knew beras dah habis since sunday and she has yet to inform me about that. even when i asked to cook nasik today, and i asked if the beras was still enough, she said yes without checking. i didn't have anything to say upon hearing her response...

i like my maid. she's wonderful. she's helpful. my family likes her. and she has yet to make any of my baju bocor. alhamdulillah.. knock-knock; touch wood. but small-small things like this la.. it got into my nerve. i'm not trying to be cerewet or anything near that. it might be small to you, but it the impact might be greater on me. like i told her, "cara kamu fikir, mungkin tidak sama dengan apa yang saya fikir"

i told her, my responsibility over her is even greater than my responsibility over adam. at least adam is my son. but she's not. she's neither my relative nor siblings and not even my darah daging. i am answerable to her parents should anything happen to her. and i dont know her parents. making her cry made me feel worst. i am not some kind of majikan yg amik screwdriver dera maid. i'm not any human being that would amik air panas siram maid. i'm not that type. i know my limitation.

i even told her that i dont like adam & ammar to play in her room because i want them to respect her privacy area. and she did comment "cik pun masuk bilik itu". wahh.. menjawab! "ya! saya masuk sebab saya perlu amik barang saya di dalam bilik itu. tetapi saya tidak ganggu tempat kamu tidur. kerana saya hormat ruang peribadi kamu. saya tidak suka budak2 ini lompat2 atas katil saya atau main dalam bilik. sebab itu ruang rehat saya," i replied. then only she told me that she already tegur adam but adam didn't want to listen. so i told her "sebab kamu tidak pernah beritahu saya.. jadi saya tidak tahu. sama seperti barang2 kamu. sabun kamu, shampoo kamu. jika sudah habis, kamu tidak beritahu saya, macam mana saya mau belikan?" she nodded and wiped her tears.

i hope she will understand why i had to voice things out and why i had to express my concern. things wrapped up with i gave her a hug and expressed my apology & hope.

ya Allah.. ko ampunkanlah dosa hambaMu ini..

baca buku

i've quite a number of books which are overdue to be read. and i've just finished 2 of them in the past 3 weeks. uih... lama gila tak baca buku cerita. while in mood, better continue. karang mood membaca dah hilang, asik bawak buku ke hulu, ke hilir. bacanya tak jugak. luckily made is sort of a bookworm. or else, i couldnt be bother reading any books. more of kumpul receipts for tax rebate aje. hehehe.. and now since having a maid, i have extra-extra tax rebate. i dont have much works to offer, therefore, to keep her occupied, we bought her story books - of her choice. kalo kami pilihkan, takut tak kena pulak dengan jiwa raga dia.

first book i read was by freya north - "love rules".

Thea Luckmore, a composed and dedicated massage therapist believes in love, the magic spark of true, old-fashioned love. She has to fall head over heels, or rather, heart over head.

However, her best friend Alice Heggarty, a spirited and successful magazine publisher, has always been a slave to lust though invariably it ends in tears. Turning 30, as yet another disastrous relationship ends, Alice makes a decision. It’s time to marry and she knows just the man who would make an excellent husband.

For Thea, a chance encounter on Primrose Hill ignites that elusive spark she’s preoccupied with… Saul Mundy promises to be the perfect fit and Thea finds herself falling deeply in love and loving it.

But though newly-wed Alice encourages Thea to settle down, Alice herself finds that she’s not as keen as she thought on playing by the rules. She starts to break them left, right and centre… At the same time, Thea’s world is shaken to core.

another book was "sex as a second language" by alisa kwitney.

Katherine Miner has decided to withdraw from the world of men at the ripe old age of forty. A former actress, Kat now teaches advanced English as a second language to adults in downtown Manhattan.

But even as Kat prepares her students to venture into the linguistic minefields of casual social contact, she has no intention of risking her own neck. In fact, Kat plans on retiring from sex. It’s not that she hates men. It’s just that she doesn’t trust them. After all, her soon-to-be ex-husband has dropped all contact with their nine-year-old son, and she herself hasn’t spoken to her father in more than thirty years.

Bit then Kat receives a letter from her father that turns her life upside down. And suddenly she is discovering that she still has a lot to learn about men, friendship and kind of nonverbal communication they don’t teach in school.

Alisa Kwitney’s darkly humorous novel affirms that forty is not the end of the world for women – sometimes, it’s just the beginning.

dua-dua buku pun best.. jemputlah baca :D

duit raya

bebaru ni kami kira duit raya adam. bila tengok dalam balang tu, cam sikit je nampak.. tapi bila dah kira... boleh tahan jugak duit raya budak ni. this year yg adam dah paham duit raya tu apa. sebelum ni, dia buat tak reti je. agaknya dah start bergaul dengan kawan-kawan. so macam dah tau apa menda duit raya ni. kalo tahun-tahun lepas, dapat duit raya dia main lepas aje ntah mana2. kekadang siap pulangkan balik. heheheh.. tahun ni dah pandai. bila org bagi duit raya, "mama.. nah! simpan". bila sampai umah, "mama.. mana duit raya saya?"

adam memula excited bukak sampul duit raya. after a while, dia malas nak bukak sampul yg ada gam. sudahnya, dia kasik kat ayah, suh ayah yg buatkan so that dia boleh tengok tv. mama tukang kumpul duit sepuluh2. cashier la katakan..

dulu-dulu, kalo berjalan beraya, memang dah tak hengat dunia dah. sebab asyik sangat berjalan ngan kawan-kawan. pagi-pagi dah kuar; kang lewat petang baru jalan. kaki terpeleot ke, kaki melecet ke, tak denya nak hirau. jalan tetap jalan.

over the years, trend berjalan raya dah berubah. bertambahnya hi-way, lagi susah org nak jalan beraya. we try to make the effort to jalan-jalan umah makcik-pakcik - at least. umah kawan-kawan, kalo dah dalam kawasan yg sama atau dah kebetulan lalu, singgah jugak. tapi the suasana is very the different. kalo dulu, org main redah aje. tak payah nak call dulu. tapi skang ni, kena call, kena confirm, kena bagitau baper org nak datang, kena inform kul baper nak sampai. agaknya org dah tak pandang hari raya as hari kita sanak saudara, sahabat handai menziarah satu sama lain. agaknya derang rasa kalo tak de makanan kat umah, janganlah ada org datang.. i believe not all yg datang menziarah tu nak makan sangat. ada makanan, alhamdulillah - rezeki. kalo takde, biskut raya pun jadiklah.. shouldn't it be that way?

kumpul duit raya dulu ngan skang lain. dulu kalo saya dapat duit raya, sama ada sempat masuk bank sekejap atau pun semuanya selamat jadik duit raya kedai leman. kehkehkeh.. sangat tak berjimat cermat mama adam ni. dulu kalo nak kumpul duit raya, kena rajin berjalan. gi umah jiran-jiran, cikgu-cikgu, kawan-kawan, sedara mara. skang.. selagi tak dijemput open house, takdelah sampainya... duklah beraya kat umah mengadap tv. sangat lain suasana raya dulu ngan skang. sebab tu skang, kalo berlaga bahu pun tak kenal sedara mara. anak jiran sendiri pun dah tak kenal dah. selalunya anak jiran taman lain yg datang mintak duit raya. and honestly, i feel sangat gembira kalo ada budak2 datang umah. ala-ala pembawa rezeki gitu...

back to duit raya adam; dalam-dalam banyak duit singgit dalam kebanyakan sampul, cecah rm1k jugak duit raya budak nih. alhamdulillah.. dah masuk ptptn dengan tabung haji semuanya. mintak-mintak esok2 Allah permudahkan segala urusan financial adam. amin...

baby

baby dalam perut ni asik wiggles aje.. tak saba nak kuar ye nak?

barang baby tak beli lagi. tak pelah.. first of all, kena settlekan barang abg dia dulu. bilik adam kena prepare so that he wants to sleep in his own room. mama ngan ayah dah mati akal nak hias bilik adam macam mana. it took us more than a month to decide on baby's playpen and itu pun belum beli lagi.. hehehe

adam wants a double decker bed. and the one he wants is the reversible bed in ikea that would cost us rm749 for the frame ONLY! mattress dengan canopy atas tu tak termasuk lagi. cadar dengan bantal pun tak termasuk. ayah kata ok. but mama had been thinking. for that kind of price, lebih baiknya mama beli almari sekali.

another reason that stopped me from buying adam's dream bed was, from time to time, we may be getting guest coming to sleepover - ma or kak sah at least. since dika is sleeping in the middle room with the sofa bed, kang kalo ma ngan kak sah tido sini, kat mana pulak nak diletakkan? kot iye beli reversible bed tu pun, mana gaya pulak tokma nak panjat katil adam. practicality kena ada la kan? dahlah umah ciput aje. :D

baju baby pun belum beli lagi. nak beli pun tak sure yg macam mana. nak bajet baby besar mana pun tak reti. lupa dah macam mana we bought things for adam last time. tapi skang ni, dah banyak kedai nak membeli. kot-kot ada emergency, wangsa maju ni kedai berlambak. boleh suh made gi beli aje. antara berkenan dengan tidak ajelah taste ayah ni. hahahaha..

we have finally decided on dr. alex in gleneagles. punyalah melompat dari satu gynae ke satu gynae and satu hospital ke satu hospital. ntah apa la yg susah sangat nak decide. betul la kata dr. alex.. "the more your think about it, the more you hear on things, the more you feel the nervousness". oleh itu, pasrah ajelah. ntah-ntah nanti beranak kat HKL jugak. :P

we are streaming down names for baby. tak leh nak decide lagi. nak yang sedap, makna mengarut. letak tak sedap karang, nanti anak pulak segan carry nama dia. susah-susah, kang letak jeton aje karang... adam pun dah banyak kasik idea ni. kejap vanilla, kejap fish. suka-suka hati dia ajelah. dia pun dah excited baby nak kuar ni. asik "cepatlah baby.... kuarlah". hehehe...

mintak-mintak semuanya selamat & dilindungi Allah sentiasa..

amin

berhajatnya...

tadi pegi rumah moklong sebelah ni. dia buat makan2 sikit sempena nak gi mekah besok. alhamdulillah rezeki dia untuk buat haji dah tiba. happy jugak dengar khabar semalam. moga-moga moklong dapat haji mabrur.

kelakar dengar dia bercerita tadi. dia baru dapat surat tabung haji hari ni. tapi sebab dia rajin call and enquire, dia dapatlah berita yg dia dapat tempat kelmarin. katanya, ada makcik duk dekat dengan kubur bawah sana, gelang apa bagai dah dapat, tapi takde berita apa.. adoi.. lagi seksa. bayangkan kalo dia tak tau apa-apa and baru dapat surat hari ni? tak terkejar2 besok kul 8 pagi dah nak bertolak ke kelana jaya? nak buat persiapan lagi. itu ini, tolak tambah, kelam kabut sure confirmed!

mmm... bila pulaklah agaknya rezeki kami nak gi? insya Allah.. harap Allah mudahkan laluan ke sana satu hari :D

dalam sembang2 tadi, ada la dia mentioned about rumah dia. tuan rumah nak jual rumah tu. secara tak sengaja, i smiled. hey.. bukannya i tak suka dia duk situlah. i have been berhajat nak beli umah sebelah ni. kot-kotlah ada rezeki in future, boleh buat rumah berkembar. hehehe..

memang lepas dia cita pasal umah dia, dalam kepala ni dah berpikir-pikir, macam mana nak bayar, what to do with the house, etc. berangan kan? hahahaha... solat maghrib tadi pun tak kusyuk. tak senonoh betul perangai.

tadi trylah carik dia punya advertisement. mak datukkkkkk! tuan rumah nak jual umah tu RM300k. gila mahal. siap letak kat situ "non-nego" and siap bagi indication, " Pembeli juga perlu mampu mengeluarkan modal selain dari pinjaman, kerana pinjaman boleh dibuat hanya dalam lingkungan 200K sahaja selainnya dari duit simpanan sendiri atau EPF." hampeh betul! kalo umah cantik bebeno, ok jugaklah nak jual sampai rm300k. my house yg siap plaster siling - depan sampai dapur, sengah tingkat up lagi, seluruh rumah dah siap renovated pun baru RM219k. buat org sentap betul la tuan rumah tu.

nak ke tak nak eh? kalo ikut hajat tu, memanglah berhajat bebenar. rasa macam baru semalam aje berangan-angan nak beli umah sebelah. ni dah macam bulan jatuh ke riba. tapi bila pikirkan rm300k, non-nego pulak tu, rasa tak sanggup pulaklah. baby dalam perut ni takan nak minum susu isian sejat kot? yang kami anak beranak ni pun, takkan nak makan ikan bilis hari-hari.

ada sapa-sapa nak bagi interest free loan? hehehehe..

just around the corner

tadi tengok kalendar, i have another 5 weeks to go.. macam tak percaya :D

pregnancy kali ni tak se-excited when i had adam. ok.. mungkinlah sebab adam was my first pregnancy. and this time around, i kind of, takut pun ada?? i dont know. too many things have become indecisive. dari hospital nak beranak, sampai ke gynae, sampai nak beli barang baby pun tak boleh nak decide. apa yang complicate sangat pun tak taulah.

i have once thought of being a domestic engineer; a.k.a. housewife. but then i thought again, would i be able to enjoy the same expenses i have been doing? would i be able to provide adam things and toys that he has always been enjoying? would i be able to provide baby the same amount of toys or baju-baju like her brother? i guess, my proposal to become the DE had to be called off - for the time being. why? i love my work. i love the work environment i'm in. i have a supportive supervisor and i have a good team. i love them loads. dengki-dengki, jeles-jeles ni biasalah kan.. keje penoreh getah pun org dengki. apatah lagi keje opis. pasrah ajelah... i have all good reasons for not leaving iskl for the time being. i still feel cinonet when talking to the mat sallehs, but nowadays, i feel at ease and confident communicating with them. mungkin sebab i've been there for almost 3 years and i have found my ground.

adam pun dah besar skang. macam2 pe'el. made tanya itu hari, could i be fair to my 2 kids? ntahlah... mungkin ada sikit bias as i've been always with adam. and this time around baby girl pulakkan... so, i dont know what to expect. i hope i could justify my role as a mother. insya Allah...

eh.. eh.. sama pulak

we went for lunch kat secret recipe last sunday. tengah asyik makan ni, tetiba satu brader ni grabbed my attention. bukan pasal apa pun... pasal baju yg dia pakai tu sebijik baju made tapinya baju dia lusuh sikitlah.. agaknya baju favourite dia la agaknya. hehehe.. nasib la made tak pakai baju yg sama. kalo tak.... adoiiiii....

mengenangkan baju tu, i recalled one incident happened to me while i was with sherry and adam, doing some raya shopping in klcc. tengah dok jalan2 ni tetiba ternampak this lady wearing exactly the same handbag i was wearing. dengan segera, i marched into M&S and bought a new sling bag. yes! saya sangat "ape menda la dia ni....":P i have no reason for my action. but i felt, tak best.. kalo sama baju ke, sama seluar ke rasa macam... tak kisah la lagi kot. sebab menda tu macam sangat general. tapi kalo macam handbag ni rasa semacam la....

another memory of "kembar" happened when i was in ITM. time tu naik bas 222 pi mai CM ke shah alam. nak dijadikan cite, time tu balik kelas. time tu bas penuh dengan org dah balik keje. dengan aksi awek cun jelita, naiklah minah ni dengan sopan santun berbaju kurung kedah kaler cokelat berbunga kecik2 sambil bawak buku dan bag packnya. sambil kontrol ayu ni, i stopped dekat satu tiang tu, and held the tiang tight sebab bas dah bergerak. peh tu pusing tengok luar. peh tu tengok kakak depan mata. ha.. amik ko! sebijik-sepesen-sama kaler-kembaq siam! confirmed dia pun beli baju tu kat globe silk store. time tu jugak, tak kisah org ramai, i redah aje org ramai tu, gi duk kat belakang. panas muka den.. hahaha..

mengong nih..

mari mengeja

versi atok:
A-Y-A-M = adam

versi adam:
A-D-A-M = ayam

versi ammar:
A-Y-NYUM-NYUM = ayam


Ammar wins :D